


A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone

by melennui



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Branding, Fire, Gen, Hallucinations, Heartbreak, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Manhandling, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Needles, Nightmares, Stabbing, Vomiting, Whump, Whumptober 2020, arthur the mfer, broken trust, elyan the older brother, gwaine the flirt, leon the forever suffering, percival the gentle giant, unimportant character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melennui/pseuds/melennui
Summary: Except Merlin. It hurts Merlin a lot.A series of connected oneshots of Merlin getting beaten up over and over.completed and edited
Relationships: Elyan & Merlin (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Leon & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Percival (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 161
Kudos: 769
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	1. Waking Up Restrained | Shackled | Hanging

**Author's Note:**

> each story happens on after the other but it isn't a continuous story each time. day one becomes before day two, day three comes after day two, so on and so forth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains themes of hanging, and it only gets worse from here, but there is minor sexual content, but no noncon in this story. just your typical whump things.
> 
> some things may make you uncomfortable, and im sorry in advance. the tags show what you’ll need to be on the lookout for. let me know about my grammatical errors and tags missed if you notice them, if youd like :>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goin’ for literal hanging. edited. nothing like a good status difference to start it off

Merlin didn’t hate hunting trips, but he certainly wished he weren’t the servant that had to accompany them.

It wasn’t that the knights were difficult or that the trips were particularly dangerous (although, sometimes they were). It was that he was working and the men were acting like absolute children.

Gwaine and Percival were talking of all the foods that could be made using their catches, which just made Merlin hungrier than he already felt. The young warlock tried not to think about how he would be the one making the food. Elyan chimed in once or twice, but focused more on the hunting aspect of their trip, along with King Arthur, who stayed out of the talking and solely focussed on his weaponry and the surrounding game.

Leon was easily the worst, not that it was his fault at all. The knight was incredibly polite and kind, but unintentionally reminded the manservant that he was, in fact, still a servant. Small things every now and then, like requesting Merlin to clean something off while he joked with the others, or reminding him to gather firewood for their overnight stay in the woods.

Merlin doesn’t think Leon means it, but it always put a damper on his spirits.

“Rabbit stew!” Gwaine suddenly burst out, followed by Percival laughing as if it were the funniest thing he’d heard in a while. Elyan hushed the two and Sir Gwaine pouted. Leon seemed confused at the context of which rabbit stew was so funny.

“Have either of you caught  _ anything?”  _ King Arthur sighed, taking a seat on a conveniently placed fallen log.

Percival looked guilty, but Gwaine grinned as if he’d won a prize. To Gwaine, annoying the king was prize enough.

“Of course they haven’t.” Merlin snorted. Sir Percival placed a hand on his chest, feigning a wounded look. 

“Merlin, could you start a fire?” Leon asked, leaning his weapon against a tree and pulling a small sack from the pack off of one of the horses.

The young warlock nodded, drawing back ever so slightly, and set off to gather kindling. He hoped the men would be distracted by the time he got back, and despite doing it often, Merlin wasn’t the best at actually starting a fire on his own and usually relied on magic. 

Once the boy returned with an armful of twigs, the men had already settled down on their bedrolls and logs. Merlin crouched down in the center, brushing away debris and setting up a small pyramid of kindling. 

While the men chatted away, Merlin whispered to the wood as it sparked.

“Warmth!” Gwaine cried, nearly diving to the small flame. Merlin laughed and nudged his friend away from the small fire, though his heart beat fast at how close the knight was to hearing Merlin.

After cooking up dinner for the men (surprisingly, it was Elyan who sheepishly requested Merlin make something with their spoils), then men tucked themselves in and spoke among each other. Even after the long and strenuous day, Merlin still wasn’t tired, so he took a short walk around the dark woods. None of the knights seemed to notice him slip away.

The woods at night had a tendency to change it’s tone, and tonight, it was serene. The moon illuminated the treetops softly and the stars twinkled through the leaves. The only sound was the young warlock’s footsteps and the wildflowers moving gently in the late night breeze.

Merlin was tempted to play with lights, but he had done it enough to know that even if he thought he was alone, messing with his magic didn’t often end well.

Instead, the boy studied the small flowers at his feet as he trotted through the forest. Suddenly, something heavy bumped his shoulder. 

Looking up, he expected a half-fallen branch. One that had partially rotted and hung low off the main tree. Instead, he witnessed a swinging body suspended by rope from the branch of the old tree. The flesh was cold and pale in the dim moon-lit night. Merlin suppressed a shout of terror as he jumped back.

The body had a knife sticking out of the shoulder and it’s clothes were nearly shredded off. The carcass was in no way new. Merlin’s hands flew to his mouth as he was worried he’d be sick. The manservant stumbled back from where he’d come from. 

The boy fled back to camp, tripping and gagging from the horrible sight he’d seen. Whether it was a murder or suicide, it was still beyond grim and terrifying. 

“Mer’n” King Arthur grumbled from his bedroll, no doubt exhausted from an entire day of travel and hunting. “Quiet..”

The fire the boy had previously set up earlier was dying and provided little warmth. He knew he shouldn't have relit it while the men were sleeping so close, but the dark was the last thing Merlin wanted to be in while he himself slept. 

Carefully walking around the men’s sleeping ( _ they were just asleep, _ Merlin had to remind himself) bodies, Merlin once more settled around the fire to relight it. He glanced at the men again, checking they really were deep in slumber.

Merlin was tempted to set up his old bedroll right next to the fire, but that wasn’t a privilege servants were allowed to enjoy. Instead, he sat dangerously close to the flame for a couple moments more, then unpacked his second hand bedroll. 

He looked around the woods, what he’d previously thought was beautiful had now been perceived as eerie and frightening. Merlin knew he wasn't a young child anymore, but some old habits never left. He tucked his head down, away from the dark silhouette.

The boy couldn’t help but to chastise himself.  _ The knights had seen far worse, why couldn’t Merlin handle this? _

Flashes of the greying face of the corpse reappeared in his mind as he tried to sleep. Sometimes it’s hands would twitch, or it would grin at Merlin. Sometimes, it’s face would be replaced by a rotting Lancelot. The fake-Lance wouldn’t say anything, but it would stare. It would stare deeping into Merlin’s soul; so deep that it would send shivers down his spine.

It took awhile for Merlin to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter of edited, what else is in store?


	2. “Pick Who Dies” | Collars | Kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> standard whump stuff. knives, blood, yada yada. edited. not as emotional, this one is more physical.

Merlin didn’t often find himself in hostage situations. This one was actually his first. 

A female servant, one that Merlin was surprised he didn’t recognize, held Merlin from behind tightly, carrying a sharp dagger to his throat. Another unrecognizable servant held Gwen in the same position.

Arthur stood on the opposite end of the room, looking furious as he tried to negotiate with the angry servants. 

“You took so much from us!” The servant who’d captured Merlin spat towards the king. Merlin could feel saliva fly at the back of his neck. “Everything we’ve loved! We’ll take someone from you too!”

The other one continued. “Pick one to save and the other will die!”

King Arthur offered money first. The two just cackled, too far gone to care about monetary gain. To show they were serious, they had both cut small slits into Merlin and Gwen’s collarbone. Merlin stayed silent, whereas Gwen cried out. If Merlin could convince Arthur that he’d be fine, the prat would pick Gwen.

“You could give me two and nobody would have to be harmed.” The king tried to reason.

“We only want out revenge!”

King Arthur dared to take a step forward. “My father was the one who took everything away from you. I’m trying to reverse what he’d done, so if you’d pl-”

“If you don’t pick, we’ll pick for you!”

Gwen’s face visibly paled. Merlin tried to keep a straight face, but his hands shook and his heart pounded.

“There has to be another way.” The blond bargained.

The young warlock wondered what it was like to be in his master’s position. How hard was it to hide weakness and desperation in these scenarios? He supposed his side was easy. All Merlin had to do was stand there and wait for the inevitable jerk of the blade.

“Arthur, save Gwen.” Merlin’s voice was quiet, but firm. He was surprised it didn’t waver. 

The king’s eyes flickered between the mystery servants and their captives. 

On one hand stood the king’s right hand man and friend, but on the other hand stood a kind and genuine woman whom Arthur was in love with. The last detail was its own problem for Merlin to stomach. 

With an air of finality about him, Arthur pointed to the curly haired servant. The man holding her released Guinevere. Gwen gasped for breath, clearly startled.

Just as quickly as the serving girl was released, the mystery castle-hand brought up the blade and drew in down, lodging it under Merlin’s collar bone. 

Both Gwen and Arthur ran towards the stabbed boy. Arthur quickly drew his sword and knocked out the attackers, then called for guards.

Gwen held Merlin’s body. The young warlock kept his eyes shut tight in pain. He knew he wouldn’t die because destiny wouldn’t allow it, but the pain was awful and the scar would be ugly.

“Oh, Merlin.” Gwen whispered as guards flooded into the room. The blood spreading across his front must have been horrifying. The raven glanced down to see that it was, in fact, horrifying. His head felt light. 

Merlin could hear King Arthur instruct them to take the rogue servants to the dungeons, then sent off one of the men to inform Gaius of the incident. 

He tried to continue listening, but the burning pain in his collarbone was distracting. Did the girl holding the knife just expect the king and Gwen to just leave him to bleed out after they chose? They should have at least  _ tried _ to go for a killing blow.

Still, Merlin held sympathy for the sibling attackers. They were too far off the deep end to be happy anymore. Of course, Merlin wished magic were legalized because maybe then would vengeful family members of sorcerers would stop infiltrating the royal household.

Although, minus the vengeful family part, Merlin was infiltrating the royal household. No matter. He hoped whoever was carrying him to Gaius’ chambers would stop jostling him, it hurt rather much. 

“Merlin, you crazy bastard.” A familiar voice muttered to him. Through the hazy pain, Merlin could pinpoint Arthur’s voice.

“Y-you love me.” Merlin wheezed back. The king gave a shril, panicked, short laugh as he brought his friend to the physician’s chamber. 

“You know, you’ll be the one cleaning my bloody clothes.” Arthur teased, voice shaking slightly.

Upon arriving, Merlin could hear an oddly calm Gaius and his footsteps on the floor while Arthur explained what had happened, a little frantic.

“He’s just in pain, sire.” Gaius informed the king. “He’s only been stabbed, weakly, at the bone. I’ll stitch him up and he’ll be fine.”

Merlin groaned in protest. He did not  _ feel  _ fine, he felt like actual hell.

“Are you sure?” Uncharacteristic worry painted Arthur’s words. The boy couldn’t see the physician, but he could nearly feel the stare the blond was receiving. 

“Right, right. My apologies, Gaius.”

“King Arthur, would you do me a favor and pin his arms down?”

Arthur made a choking sound, but obliged nonetheless.

Merlin could feel someone pressing his forearms to the cot he was laying on. He tried to move them and complain of the pain, but they were firm.

Suddenly, the searing pain of the dagger being removed flared and the young warlock cried out. Someone was applying pressure to the wound next.

“I don’t think stitches will be necessary..” Gaius thought out loud. “I believe tightly wrapping it is the only thing needed. Thank you for your help, sire. Could you grab me that vial on the countertop? Labeled- oh yes, thank you.”

The hands disappeared from Merlin’s forearms and somebody was opening his mouth and pouring something down. The manservant drifted off to the sound of familiar voices talking among themselves.

When Merlin came to, he was greeting with a dull pain in his chest. He didn’t even attempt to sit up.

“Gaius?” He croaked. Instead of his mentor appearing at his bed, Gwen rushed over.

“Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry!” She had tears in her eyes and she whispered to him.

Merlin weakly smiled.

“Hey, I’m alright, see? I’m just glad you’re fine. Now, could you get me some water?”

Guinevere’s eyes widened, then hurriedly looked for a cup for him. When he received it, he took small sips, noticing Gwen eyeing him nervously.

“You’re not upset?”

“Gwen, I offered. I knew what I was doing.”

She sighed, slowly, then grabbed her friend’s hand gently and held it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, i dont specialize in medicine, how could you tell?


	3. Manhandled | Forced to their Knees | Held at Gunpoint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey nerds! just got a positive covid test lmao. enjoy the chappy
> 
> i’m getting into the merlin-whump cliches here. edited. as silly as the ending is, i like it.

Spring days were the best days for Arthur to drag Merlin out for the knights’ training. The manservant couldn’t even be upset with the warm sun, cool breeze and surprisingly soft grass. The best part was that because Merlin still had bruising from being stabbed, he didn’t have to participate other than fetching Arthur this and that. 

“Merlin, refill my water please.” Arthur thrusted the water bladder into his servant’s hands then turned his attention back to his knights. The men were leaned over, panting and struggling to hold their own water, while Arthur looks refreshed.

The young warlock hummed cheerfully as he walked from the training fields to the well. Lura, one of the kitchen servants, stopped him at the well.

“Could I speak with you for a moment?” She spoke quietly, jerked her head towards an empty alcove in the castle wall. His eyebrows knitted as he followed her. Her movements were strange and eyes flittery. 

“What’s wrong?” Merlin asked once the two were out of earshot. 

“I-I know you’re working for King Arthur right now, but could you… switch with me for the day? I mean- it’s alright if y-”

“Who are you attending?” The young warlock gently interrupted her nervous rambling. He was no stranger to switching with the servants every now and then. It normally only happened when a servant was attending to an unsavory guest.

“I’m to bring Lord Walter h-his food and he…”

“Yeah, I’ve got you. Take this to Arthur on the training fields,” Merlin handed her King Arthur’s water. “And tell him I’m unavailable, please.”

Lura clutched the waterskin in her hands and nodded fervently. 

“He might give you shit for it, but ignore him, he’s only playing. Go on, now. I’ll find Lord Walter’s room.”

Merlin smiled as the kitchen servant scurried off to the king, then turned to the castle, where a passing servant informed him of the whereabouts of the lord. Upon arriving, he knocked on the door and waited.

“Can I help you?” A tall brunet man answered the door, then noticed Merlin.

“Good afternoon, sir. I’m to attend you. How may I help?”

Lord Walter nodded to himself. “Bring my lunch. Make it quick.”

“Yes sir.” Merlin bowed slightly and set off to the kitchen. He did, in fact, make it quick. Lord Walter had him come inside the room, which was starting to make the manservant uneasy.

“Do please sit.” Lord Walter grinned, only adding to the sick Merlin was feeling.

“My apologies, but I have to attend K-”

“Sit. Down.”

“Sir, I-”

The brunet lord stood from the table in his room, knocking his chair backwards and grabbed the serving boy. Merlin tried to jerk away, but his grip was strong.

“Let me go!”

Lord Walter covered Merlin’s mouth and held his arms to his back, speaking down threateningly.

“That is no way to speak to someone higher than you.” He ground out. Merlin spluttered through his hand.

The young warlock tried to scream through the taller man’s hand to no avail. Instead, he attempted to kick the man. That didn’t work either.

“Kneel down before me and I’ll forgive you.” The lord hissed. Merlin held himself straighter and more rigid in response. He could hear the lord’s frustration, but he wouldn’t cave.

Merlin expected the man to be pissed, but he didn’t expect the man to kick in the back of his legs, effectively knocking the boy down to his knees. The manservant cried out as his knobby bones hit the floor.

Luckily, when Merlin fell, so did the hand covering his mouth. Merlin screamed as soon as he could.

Sure enough, the door to the guest room swung open, revealing the castle steward, Bevel.

“Sir, might I ask what you are doing to an employee of the royal household?” The older man’s intimidating voice rang out through the room. Lord Walter stepped away from Merlin’s kneeling form as if he were on fire.

The steward just barely outranked the lord in status, and Walter knew it.

Bevel beckoned Merlin over to the door, glaring at the visitor. Walter’s eyes were blazing with fury, but made to further attack towards Merlin.

“I will speak with King Arthur about your lack of respect towards our serving staff. Good day.”

The steward motioned the manservant to follow him and didn’t speak a word more until they were alone in a servant’s hallway.

“Goodness, boy, are you alright?”

Merlin nodded, rubbing his arms where Lord Walter had grabbed.

“Thank you, Bevel. Truly.” He spoke breathily, trying to recover so he could go back to work.

The older man shook his head. “That man will not receive another servant if I can help it. You were wise to shout. Now, I believe King Arthur has been looking for you.”

The manservant smiled sheepishly and waved at the head of housekeeping. “Godspeed.”

“Stay out of trouble, would you Merlin?”

_ In one ear and out the other,  _ Merlin thought to himself and he wandered the castle grounds for his master.

.

Days after the incident, after Merlin served Arthur his dinner for the night, the king pressed about the incident.

“Merlin, Bevel told me about the Lord Walter problem. Why didn’t you come to me first?”

Merlin turned from his cleaning to face Arthur, confused.

“Would you have believed me?” He asked, incredulously. Arthur looked wounded at first, but understanding dawned on him. Different statuses did that, sometimes.

“I appreciate you looking out for the other servants. Next time, I hope you do feel comfortable talking it over with me.” The king said. It wasn’t often that Arthur showed that side, but it was always appreciated. That was one of the things that truly drew Merlin to the king.

“I’ll think about it.” The young warlock teased, setting down a water pitcher on the table.

“And Merlin?”

Arthur’s tone was one of thoughtfulness and sincerity. The boy turned his head to the king, waiting for some incredibly inspirational quote to grace his lips. Instead,

“Wash the pillow cases, would you? It’s been days.”

Merlin dumped the pitcher of water on Arthur.


	4. Caged | Buried Alive | Collapsed Building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some close calls here and there to spice it up, mixed with emotional crap. edited. leon crossdresses in my heart.

Being sympathetic to revenge-thirsty people didn’t mean Merlin was okay with what they did. Especially if they were trying to bury in him the ground. Alive.

“What makes you think  _ killing  _ me will do anything for your cause? I’m a servant!” Merlin cried from the tree he was suspended from as the small group below him prepared his early grave. “Honestly!”

One of them, a young boy, looked up at Merlin, straight in the eyes. The young warlock looked away, getting a sense of the creeps from him. His eyes were empty. Were these near-children possessed?

“Blink once if you’re possessed.”

No response. No one else looked up at him as they dug again in the ground.

“Why couldn’t you have dug it  _ before  _ you kidnapped me? The suspense might kill me before you lot do.” Merlin laughed at his own joke. It was pathetic, Merlin knew. He laughed harder, trying to breath in between gasps.

A young redhead locked eyes with who seemed to be the oldest, a young man with thick black hair. The first child nodded, and suddenly, the ropes began to lower. Merlin’s eyes widened as he realized what that meant for him. The boy lost what was left of his cool.

“No! Stop! Let. Me. Go!” The boy thrashed desperately in his bindings. “Please!”

The kids didn’t pay any mind to the young male they took hostage. Instead, they stood around the hole they dug, ready to push the soil over Merlin once he was fully dropped inside.

“Why are you doing this? I-I can help, just, please!”

Merlin prayed he wouldn’t have to use his magic on a group of children just to save his own arse. That’d be something he could never forgive himself for.

“Help! Help me!” Merlin screamed out into the woods. There had to be s _ omeone  _ passing by who would hear him. Or a search party out for him. He’d been missing for quite a while. 

The manservant’s bent and bound knees brushed the floor of the hole. He tried to throw his body up the side of the hole to no avail. He really was going to be buried alive. 

The group of youth started to kick and shovel dirt back in the hole. Why was a mystery, but the only thing Merlin was focused on was the burning in his lungs from coughing up dirt. Bits of soil clung to his wet cheeks.

Quiet shouting from not far pierced Merlin’s ears.  _ Was that..? _

“He’s over here! Someone grab these rats!’ Gwaine’s heavily accented voice came from above.

“They cut the rope, we need to figure out how to grab him!”

“I’ve got the children. There’s rope in the packs, throw it down.”

“Merlin! Can you try to grab this?”

The young warlock wiggled his hands by his side.  _ Not by much,  _ he tried to say, but instead, coughed until he felt his lung would come up.

“I’ll jump down there and secure Merlin.” Elyan volunteered. “Someone can pull him out, then me.”

The men agreeds and Elyan slid down the side, kicking up more loose dirt.

“Hold still for me a moment.” Elyan muttered as he tied the ropes together. “We’ll cut you free up there, alright?”

Merlin nodded weakly and looked away, hoping the older man couldn’t see his tears. Lose dirt caked onto his face.

Once the serving boy was out of the hole, Percival cut his bindings. Merlin ended up leaning forward, retching up soil. The large man patted his back sympathetically. It took the raven a moment to really ground himself. He had been so prepared to die.

“W-where’s Arthur?” Merlin stuttered out, feeling the earth on his tongue. Sir Percival pointed over to the King, who had been speaking with Leon about the ordeal. His other hand was firmly placed on Merlin’s back, preventing him from getting up, which is what he was about to do.

Perce knew him so well.

“I could get him if you’d like.” The large knight offered. Merlin quickly shook his head. He didn’t want the blond to see him like this. He wasn’t one to care particularly much about his image, but with Arthur, it was different. The King was so…

The manservant wasn’t sure what made him care so much, but he was definitely drawn to his master.

“That must have been horrifying.” Percival observed. Merlin looked down. The knights wouldn’t be so shaken after something like this.

“I would have been reacting far worse than you.” The man casually commented. Hesitant, the young warlock lifted his gaze. Percival was smiling softly at the younger boy. It made Merlin feel warm inside, but it was a different type of warmth than when Arthur looked at Merlin. It was the kind that he got when Elyan held him, or when Gaius praised him.

Quietly and slowly, the raven leaned towards Sir Percival. “You’re very kind, but I have a hard time imagining any of you scared.”

“I’ve been scared plenty of times. It’s a natural instinct that keeps up alive. Hearing your shouting? I had gooseflesh, and I can guarantee I’m not the only one.” Percy brushed the dirt off of Merlin’s cheeks where his tear tracks were, methodically as he spoke. 

_ Was Arthur scared?  _ In a sick way, Merlin hoped so. Did King Arthur really worry about his closest friend? Perhaps it wasn’t such a sick thought.

“You reminded me of my old village being ransacked. The screams, blood… You’re fright was real, is what I’m getting at. No one should go through that, and I don’t blame you for anything.”

Tears stung at Merlin’s eyes. With a breaking voice, he thanked Perce. The man tightened his grip on the manservant, who buried his face in the larger man’s chest.

Footsteps crunched from Behind the pair. The boy didn’t think anything of it until King Arthur’s voice spoke up.

“Merlin? Not a fan of heights?” The man awkwardly joked in reference to the screaming. Merlin felt humiliated. Percival cleared his throat, obviously to get it through Arthur’s head that there was a time and place.

“I-I’m sorry, that was rude. We’re glad you’re safe, though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Gwaine throw up from anything besides drinking until today.”

The manservant gave a wet chuckle and sat up, wiping his eyes. 

“Thank you.”

The king nodded, still awkward and slightly uncomfortable with the tears. He wasn’t quite used to so much emotion. “Do you- do you want to talk about the cult?”

_ Cult, ah. That made sense. Those poor children. _

“Perhaps later?” Merlin didn’t want to talk about it at all, but if magic was involved, he would have to figure out some behind-the-scenes solution while the knights tried (and failed) to get things under control. 

“Of course.”

The tension in the air wasn’t negative, but more… tricky. Arthur and Merlin bantered and they occasionally shared real bonding moments, but it was the trauma and unspoken rules that really got them.

“Merlin can ride with me.” Percival proposed. Suddenly, a very out of breath Gwaine barreled through.

“Absolutely not!” He protested, panting. “He’ll be riding with me, for sure! Right, Merls?” The brunet looked so childish and hopeful that he couldn’t find it in himself to oppose. Gwaine was fun to ride with, too. He could always tell if you didn’t want to talk. It was a plus for the drunk; Gwaine liked to do the talking himself anyways. 

King Arthur looked relieved that the man who lived for social interactions had appeared. “If that’s alright with Merlin.” With that, the blond left to continue his duties with the other men.

Percival gently squeezed Merlin’s shoulder and hoisted both of them to their feet, where Gwaine promptly grabbed Merlin and brought both of them to the horse Gwaine rode in on. The boy stroked the beast.

“You won’t believe what I saw Leon wearing the other night.” Sir Gwaine’s voice was lowered so that the curly haired knight wouldn’t hear. “On an unrelated note, the man looks good in a glittery pink.”

The boy smiled to himself. He had good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know your thoughts on this chapter! i love reading and responding to every comment!
> 
> so, day one after a positive covid test: my headaches were already gone by that point, my sore throat is gone and now im left with congestion, fun lol. i cant smell anything (not because im stuffy, loss of scent is literally a covid thing) and things taste, but like a really sad version of what it's supposed to taste like. anyone have/had covid?
> 
> editor's note: dont have covid any more (duh)


	5. On the Run | Failed Escape | Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited. elyan is a sweet man

When Merlin was thrown into the dungeons, it was not done gracefully. 

King Arthur had told his guards to take him down there to cool off. It started with the boy protesting to Arthur about a druid baby. He wanted to have someone raise the child in Camelot, whereas Merlin believed the child should be brought to the druids.

Despite the pair always arguing, it seldom got that heated. It ended with Merlin being (unhappily) dragged away. The two guards hauling him weren’t as large and Sir Percival, but were definitely stronger than a lot of the other guards. Where they placed their hands would absolutely be bruised.

Merlin assumed he’d only be in the dungeons a couple hours, or even a night if Arthur was busy. What he didn’t expect was three days.

The young warlock understood what he did wasn’t the best in the eyes of the public. They were screaming at each other, shouting and pushing. The sight was truly awful, but Merlin was  _ pissed  _ and Arthur only rose to the challenge.

He’d tried to get the guards to remind King Arthur that he was still down there, but the men just snickered and kicked him around. It wasn’t until Elyan was walking down the stairs that he noticed Merlin, leaning against the wall, clearly miffed.

“Why, Merlin, what are you still down here for?”

The young warlock looked up and grinned. “Is someone here finally going to free me?”

The knight’s eyebrows furrowed. “I was told you’ve already been freed. You were supposed to be here just a couple of hours.”

Merlin’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “What?”

“Oh my.. I- I’ll go get the keys.” Elyan hurried away, visibly upset. Merlin felt the same way. Had Arthur truly been so cross with him that he just left him here?

The sir knight came back quickly, a ring of keys in hand. Merlin bolted out once he was released.

“I was worried I’d die in there.” He joked. Elyan looked him up and down, but only found faded bruises and his arms and jaw. It was clear that the guards were a bit… rough.

“You should go straight to Gaius’.” The kinky haired knight instructed. “I’ll speak with Arthur, alright?”

Merlin nodded, stretching his legs before heading off. He was stumbling and hurried. Elyan winced when his shoulder hit the wall.

.

“Who is it?” King Arthur calls from his room and Elyan knocks on the door.

“Sir Elyan, sire.”

The blond opens the door, smiling at his knight.

“What can I help you with? Found my useless manservant?” The teasing tone isn’t lost on the knight.

“He was still in the dungeons.” He reports back. Arthur looks confused.

“The guards told me they released him… Where is Merlin now?” The king ran a hand through his hair, a distressed look spreading across his face rapidly.

“I told him to go to Gaius. I have a reason to believe the guards aren’t a fan of him.”

Elyan sidestepped as Arthur slipped through the doors, beckoning for the knight to come with him. They arrived at the physician’s chambers, Elyan on Arthur’s tail.

“Merlin?” The king’s tone was worried and guilty. Gaius appeared around a corner, surprised at the men paying a visit.

“I’m afraid he’s asleep right now, sire. How can I help you?” The older man was putting away leftover glass vials and sweeping off the tabletops. His movements were rigid, clearly bothered by the king.

“I- I wanted to make sure he was alright. The guards didn’t release him like they said. I should have checked on him.” King Arthur tried to mask his guilt, but Gaius knew him long enough to hear it.

“He’ll appreciate hearing that. Now, I’d like him to stay undisturbed for the day.” The physician spoke stiffly, causing the king to nod his head and leave. Elyan very much wanted to speak with Merlin, but left after the king for fear of angering the old man.

Gaius sighed once the men left, knowing that Merlin wasn’t asleep, but rather sitting behind a divider, holding ice to his shoulder.

“At least he came in.” The boy muttered, clearly upset at being left in there for three days without Arthur ever checking in on him, or even apologizing.

“He has been busy.” Gaius reminded his ward. Merlin scowled.

“Don’t make excuses for him.” The boy slumped on the cot, sighing.

The physician winced. “Careful with your shoulder.”

“I hope he trips over his sheets in the morning.” The young warlock grumbled, trying to make light of a situation that he truly felt upset about. He never thought Arthur would really just stick him in the dungeons when he was being annoying again. It had been years since he’d done that.

It didn’t help that he still had a silly crush on the king. Nothing was easy for Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you think? this was some light emotional whump (or the 'hurt' in hurt/comfort lol)
> 
> how are you guys doing? well, i hope


	6. “Get it Out” | No More | “Stop, please”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains needles, ouchy. edited. not the climax of the story, but we’re getting there, slowly.

“Ask first! Ow- Where are your manners?”

The first needle wasn’t that bad; not if Merlin didn’t look at it. The second didn’t even phase him. It was the third where he made the mistake of glancing at his flesh where the man was inserting needles so far into his skin that it would be lost in there. Merlin almost threw up.

Thin, silver slivers were being unwillingly injected deep into his skin. The thought of it was horrifying alone, muchless experiencing it.

Merlin made an unpleasant strangled noise as the next one was put in.

“Oh, is it starting to bother you  _ now? _ ” The man grinned, perfect white teeth on display and lips drawn up slightly to a sneer.

“G-get it out.” The young warlock hissed. In response, the man pushed the next in  _ hard.  _ “Stop!”

“No can do, I’m afraid I’m just doing my job.”

Merlin grit his teeth and shut his eyes. He wasn’t sure where he was. He had told Arthur that he’d be on a trip visiting his mother (and he was planning on it, too). Someone had grabbed him two hours from Camelot and brought him, blindfolded, to a different location.

“It’s no big deal.” The larger man cooed. “Just hold still.”

“Why are you doing this?” Merlin gasped.

“You’re a pain in our side, Emrys. The end of the Pendragon bloodline is delayed because of you.”

Another needle. Merlin desperately tried to get away. “I- hahh- don’t know what y-you’re talking about.” He panted. The man just gave him a look, holding another needle.

“Please please please- no, please.” The young warlock pleaded. “What do you want from me? This won’t kill me.”

“Your pain is enough.”

.

Gaius’ face was pinched up with concern as Merlin skirted around the countertop, where equipment was in the process of sterilization. The older man didn’t need to ask his ward why. He’d seen plenty in his years of practicing medicine, and was no stranger to a lasting trauma.

His heart panged at the idea that living with a physician would only hinder Merlin’s mental healing process. The poor boy flinched enough when touched, which baffled the king to no end.

“What is wrong with you, Merlin?” He’d ask, perplexed.

The first time that had occurred, the raven had made a joke of it and carried on, but the second time, when Gaius was present, was far louder. It included Merlin jerking away and shouting at a very torn king.

Arthur apologized immediately and brought the young warlock a gift the next day. Gaius would have been amused if he weren’t so distressed about Merlin.

Fortunately, Gaius noticed two months after the attack that Merlin no longer walked through the physician’s chambers oddly or skittish. He still didn’t touch the metal instruments, but he could stare them down and feel just fine. 

The older man felt nothing but pride for the rest of the day. 

Every now and then, Merlin would leave his room clutching a worn leather jacket and nearly dash through the chamber. The only thing Gaius could do was talk to the manservant about the day or a town occurrence and watch as he slowly loosened up and headed off to work. 

Once time, Arthur had paid Gaius a visit about an old injury, so early in the morning that Merlin hadn’t even awoken yet. The younger was shocked to walk out and find Gaius tending to Arthur, who was hissing in pain every time the older man applied pressure on his knee.

“Good morning, Merlin.” The blond sighed as Gaius rubbed a paste onto his joint.

“I, uh, morning. To you.” His eyes darted around, overwhelmed. Arthur didn’t point it out, too distraught with pain to question it. 

“Is that…'' The king squinted, understanding dawning on his face. Lance’s old jacket.

Merlin tightened the article of clothing around his tighter, looking away. Arthur cleared his throat before saying any more.

“The cook’s been antagonizing me about my diet, so I was thinking of taking a pie today. Care to join me?”

The raven snorted a little, gathering himself. “They won’t be happy.”

“No, but that is the point.”

Merlin nods and takes a seat on the cot besides the king. “I’m not opposed.” He smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im excited for you all to see the next one. it's an interesting idea that i have yet to see anyone do.


	7. Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor merlin. edited. even a good prompt won’t save him.

The fire started just outside of Merlin’s door was an accident, Merlin knew that, yet he wanted so desperately to blame someone.

Gaius had left a cauldron burning while he left to gather something. Unfortunately, a feverish patient had managed to kick over some of the flaming logs directly to the door of Merlin’s bedroom.

“At least no one was hurt.” The boy spoke to Gaius, somewhat numbly. They both stood in front of the blackened room that he once slept in. Nothing was spared in the fire. Not the ratty blanket that was there when he arrived, no his winter boots that Arthur had gifted him during his first year of cold, and not the coat that Lancelot left behind.

“Thank goodness for that.” Gaius agreed, placing a hand on his wards shoulder. “I’ll go speak to the King about your… circumstances.” The older man offered.

“No, no, it’s fine, Gaius. I’ve got it. I’ll come back and help you clean afterwards.”

The physician gave the boy a tight lipped smile and nodded. Gaius had lost quite a few key ingredients from the flames too, Merlin had to remind himself. He wasn’t the only one experiencing loss.

After a quick rap on the door, Merlin allowed himself into the King’s chambers. Arthur was where he often was- seated at his desk, working.

“Can I help you?” He drawled at his manservant’s brashness. 

“Yes, actually. I’m going to need a few days off. A fire decimated a good portion of the physician’s quarter, so I’m to help clean up and restore it.” He reported tonelessly. 

Arthur nodded and stood up. “I’d be more than happy to help with the financial side and lend a knight or two. Show me, I need a break from this.”

“Oh, well-”

“Come on, now.” The king interrupted, leaving Merlin to follow him.

As they walked through the halls, Merlin spoke up again.

“There isn’t much that we can purchase to restore. Gaius lost some rare items that won’t be returning for a while, but other than that, just the flooring and wall need aid.” Merlin tried to keep the hurt out of his voice as he spoke, but lying wasn’t his strong suit. 

King Arthur nodded to himself. “Alright, that shouldn’t be too much of an issue. I’ll speak with Gaius about hiring a couple of builders.”

The scent of smoke wafted out into the halls. It only grew once they entered. Most of the room was untouch, except for the back area. Arthur stood at the entrance, assessing the damage.

“It’s good it only got that bit of the castle as opposed to the bookshelves.” 

Merlin agreed wholeheartedly. Most of those books were irreplaceable and even illegal from Uther’s reign. The boy purposely left out the fact that it was his room that paid the price. There wasn’t anything Arthur could do about that. It wasn’t like you could purchase Lancelot’s jacket or all of the letters from his mother.

“I’ll go and find Gaius. If you could clean my chambers in the meantime…?” King Arthur was hopeful. Merlin chuckled and set off to do his job, hoping it would distract him from his worry.

.

The grief hadn’t quite struck him, he supposed. The idea of losing everything he’d ever owned was horrifying, but the fact that it’s true wasn’t quite registering. 

“Oh, Merlin, I heard about the fire.” Lura, one of the kitchen servants, had approached the boy as he brought the laundry downstairs. “What a disaster. Is everyone alright?”

_ Damn those gossipy servants, always blowing up rumors,  _ Merlin thought to himself.

“Everyone’s alright, but it does bite. My room is decimated, though.”

Lura’s eyebrows shot up. “No! That’s truly horrible.” The manservant just gave a tight lipped smile.

“When are you finished with work?” She asked.

Merlin bounced the basket of laundry slightly and jerked his head towards it. “I just have to drop this off.”

“I’ll come with you. My mum has some linens she’d be more than happy to give away.”

The boy was inclined to deny out of guilt that someone else might need it more, but the thought of sleeping on one of the small cots with a thin patient blanket made Merlin shiver, so he nodded, smiling brightly at his younger co-worker.

Lura’s mother kindly gave Merlin four thick, folded blankets to bring back for himself. When he protested after two, she told him to give Gaius the others. He couldn’t stop beaming as he trekked back to the physician’s chambers. It was there he found a pair of workers assessing the damaged walls for repairs.

After setting down the blankets on a stool, he slipped through the burnt up doorway of his bedroom, muttering “excuse me” as the men looked up at him.

He soon discovered nothing was salvageable.

“How long do you think repairs on that room will take?” He asked the man who was tearing out a crispy floorboard.

“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout eh while, yea?” He nudged his partner. “Burnt to hell, that room is. It’ll be needing a redone.”

Merlin scrubbed his face miserably. “Thank you.” He sighed out. 

“That’s yer room?” The other one asked. The boy nodded. “It’s gonna cost ye a fortune. The foundation there is shot. Yer lucky the room didn’t have an inner wall- just stone. That only needs a good scrub.”

“Right, lucky.” He mumbled. The workers shrugged and continued their task.

The young warlock wasn’t sure with how much Arthur would help in funding. He knew the physician’s chambers were something that needed aid immediately, with it affecting multiple people within the castle, but the room was… just a servant’s room. Surely the coin would be better placed elsewhere.

Normally, he’d try to draw a quick nap after work to make up for lost sleep, but that was a little hard to do with the lack of a room and he wasn’t going to use up a patient’s cot during midday. Instead, he head off to find a friend. Preferably one who wouldn’t coo at him and would rather talk than be talked to.

“Gwaine, are you busy?” Merlin approached the knight walking down a cobbled path, predictably from his room in the castle and down to the market stalls, where food was waiting to be bought.

“Just down for a snack. Can I help you?” He smiled.

“I have a free moment, if you wanted to hang out.?

Gwaine’s eyes widened comically. “You? A free moment? With the way Arthur works you?”

The boy snickered. “I have a free day today. A fire went through the physician’s area.”

“Win some, lose some.” The knight shrugged, handing a man behind one of the stalls his payment for the sweet bread loaf. “I think I heard a servant talking about it with another in the halls.”

Merlin cursed. “Of course they are. Everything about my private life is broadcasted among them.”

“Does that make you popular among them?”

“No, it makes them bitter towards me. I’m lucky not everyone is so judgemental.” 

Gwaine looked confused. “People don’t like you?”

“Well, it’s- not really, but… It’s that I work for Arthur. I haven’t created any bad blood or anything.”

The pair walked up the stairs to Gwaine’s room in the castle. He shared the hall with Percival and Elyan. Lancelot used to share the hall, but his room hasn’t been touched since his death.

“I can somewhat relate. It’s unfair, but I can see where they’re coming from.”

“That’s the difficult part.” The boy whined. “I know  _ exactly  _ how they feel.”

“Poor you.” Sir Gwaine teased. Merlin snatched a piece of his friend’s sweet bread.

.

The first night was difficult. He had planned on sleeping on a cot in the main chamber, but those were full and quarantined. Gaius offered for the boy to sleep in his bed, as there were very ill patients he had to tend to through the night, but Merlin knew that Gaius would want to sleep as soon as he could and didn’t want to intrude.

Instead, Merlin slept in the servant’s chambers, which was problematic because of the prying from several servants.

“Oh, did someone kick you out of the house?” Lieg snorted at Merlin, who was clutching his blanket from the biting cold. His shoulders shook.

“Leave ‘im alone, Lieg. And close the door! You’re letting the cold in!” Sam whined from their cot in the middle. Merlin liked Sam.

Lieg grumbled and hunkered down on one of the unoccupied cots. Several servants were already asleep, and surprisingly, nobody had woken up. Merlin covered his lower face with his hands, cupping his cold flesh and breathed out slowly in a desperate attempt to warm his fingers and lips. He was lucky he had his own blanket to bring.

Who knew what the morning was to bring.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts or wishes? i'd love to hear them
> 
> the time i spend at my desk is slowly morphing into treadmill time because life has not been kind to my body lmao. this means that writing is a little harder, but i still love it! and im looking forward to the part 2


	8. Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains assumed consensual sex. edited. sorry if your name is lieg

Merlin woke up at the same time he does every morning, except this time, he had to drop his blanket off at Gaius’ before continuing work. He hadn’t seen the physician that morning. The boy assumed he was off still trying to reclaim what they lost in the fire.

“Good morning, Arthur.” Merlin spoke cheerfully, entering the king’s room. Arthur turned his head away from the bed, pulling the blankets in.

“Come on.” The boy grunted, trying to get a good grasp on his friend’s wrist to pull him off the bed. “Go ‘way.” The blond grumbled in response. Merlin knew the king had a busy and tiring night. He almost wanted to let the man sleep in.

After a little more back and forth, Arthur managed to get out of bed and begin getting ready for the day. The king’s shirtless chest made Merlin’s own chest tighten.

“You smell like you’ve been huddled around a fire all night.” The blond commented.

Merlin thought back to the servant’s room that had one fireplace. It was true that in the morning, he sat in front of it, staring into the flames mournfully.

“I actually wanted to talk ab-”

“Merlin, come help me dress.” The king interrupted. The boy grimaced. All of his desire drained immediately. He could deal with this, though.

“You have a busy day today. “ Merlin made small talk as he helped the king ready for the day. “The visitors have been roomed, by the way. You’ll be having dinner with them tonight.”

Arthur nodded absent mindedly. 

“So, about my room… it-”

“I really don’t have time to be listening that your room smells like smoke or whatever, I have real problems I need to work on. Please.”

Merlin pressed his lips into a fine line, annoyed, but before he could say anything, Arthur continued.

“Help clean the dining hall, then clean the floors in my room. Before you get the floors, clean off all of the surfaces, too.”

The young warlock nodded his head, stiffly. “Yes sire.”

Arthur waved his hand at Merlin, dismissing him.

.

Merlin found himself working all day. He didn’t have a moment to himself until the sun had long set and Arthur had already gone to bed. The boy wanted nothing but to have a room to himself in peace. Unfortunately, he didn’t have that luxury.

“Back again?” Lieg took the cot closest to the fire. The young warlock had his blanket wrapped around his body. He took his boots off and laid them atop the cot he would be sleeping on.

“Would it be easier on you if I slept in the stables?” He bit back, the frigid air seeping into his bones.

“Would you?” The other servant’s voice was pitched higher as he tilted his head, innocently. “All for me?”

Merlin slumped on his cot, exhausted and freezing.

“Are you cold?” Lieg’s voice suddenly called from the increasingly darkening room. Merlin turned his head to see the servant grinning wickedly. “‘Cause I know a way to warm up.”

.

The manservant woke up feeling ill from both the cold and what he did the night prior. He was horrible. 

Merlin wobbled back to Gaius’ to grab a quick meal before waking up Arthur. He tried not to gasp every time something brushed against his bruised thighs. 

“Why weren’t you at Gaius’ last night?” The king demanded upon sight of his manservant. Merlin poured Arthur a drink and yawned.

“I was probably asleep at the Servant’s quarters.”  _ Or getting fucked by a man with very cold and rough fingers. _

“Why weren’t you in your own room?” Arthur sounded puzzled and a bit awkward. 

Merlin turned to his master, squinting. “Have you actually  _ seen  _ my room? It’s been burnt to a crisp.”

The boy harshly set down the pitcher and started to make King Arthur’s bed. “What were you doing there, anyhow? I thought you were busy.”   
  
“I had actual important things to clear.” Arthur sounded bitter, as if what happened to Merlin was just a small issue. “And why have you been wearing the same… thing…”

“All of my things are gone!” The manservant shouted, feeling his face grow hot and eyes well up with tears. “I’ve lost everything I own!”

The king sat back in his chair speechless. Merlin tossed a pillow on the bed and refused to face Arthur. He couldn’t bear to feel any lower.

“W-why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to!”

He could feel the blond’s gaze stuck on him. The raven desperately wiped his tears away. Arthur walked up behind him.

“I’m so sorry, Merlin.” He spoke softly, placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder. The younger one started to cry. Arthur wasn’t quite sure what to do. He’d had girls cry on his shoulder before, but they would stop quickly and the two would often end up in bed together. Suddenly, the idea of doing that with Merlin was rather enticing.

Of course, he wouldn’t con his friend like that. Gently, he turned his manservant around and held him. Arthur felt like the meanest man alive and he desperately wanted to apologise, but the words wouldn’t come out. Merlin’s chest shook softly. 

“You could stay in Sir Lancelot’s room, if you’d like.” Arthur offered. It was a delicate subject, but the king was willing to risk it.

“Thanks.” Merlin’s voice was scratchy as he pulled away, rubbing his eyes. “That was stupid, I’m sorry.”

Arthur felt like the stupid one. “No, uhm, it’s alright. I should have thought more.”

If it had been anyone else, the raven would have loved to hear more about how they messed up, but with Arthur, he knew that was a lot to expect. He knew the older man had troubles being vulnerable, so the fact that he tried warmed the boy’s heart.

“I really thought I was going to have to sleep in that stupid cot for the next year.” Merlin laughed wetly. “The servants are so mean.”

The king smiled slightly, shifting from one side to the other. “You look exhausted, how about you sleep a little bit more.”

Merlin nodded and turned to the door, then back at Arthur. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

Before the blond could say anything snarky in return, Merlin was gone. The king felt his face glow red as he stood in the middle of his room. His head felt light.

It was never easy for Arthur to show any sort of affection. His father considered it a vulnerability that would only kill someone in the end. Uther’s attempts at educating his son were always out of love, but never did Arthur any good. The current king was lucky to have friends like Gwen and Merlin to show him a little emotion never hurt anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hookups were probably a big no-no in medieval times, but this story has magic, so i can write whatever the frick i want


	9. “Take Me Instead” | “Run!” | Ritual Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains death of an oc created just to die. edited. i think this one is pretty sad.

Sir Graham was a nice man. He and Merlin were the same age. It wasn’t often that Merlin had a friend like that. Of course, Merlin and Graham weren’t as close as Merlin was with the Knights of the Round Table, but they were closer than acquaintances. 

“Good morning, Merlin.” The brunet was cheerful and wide awake as he handed Merlin his dishes. “Thanks for breakfast.”

The manservant yawned. “Morning Graham. Glad you liked it. It isn’t often I’m appreciated.” He laughed.

The knight stuck around the boy as he cleaned, as the shorter man had already packed up his things and was ready to go.

“Make yourself useful and fill these with water.” Merlin pointed to the pile of empty water bladders. Sir Graham nearly skipped away, returning moments later with an armful of full waterskins. The young warlock just smiled to himself, shaking his head slightly. It was different having such a young knight on the trip. Merlin felt like he was taking care of the little ones for a change.

“Go pass them out, please. Thanks for the help.” The boy was grinning to himself as the young knight beamed. When Graham returned, everyone was boarding their modes of transportation. Sir Graham rode alongside Merlin to talk, as the older knights were busy planning ahead. Merlin knew he should have been listening along, but it felt nice to kick back and act his age.

“We’re the same age, aren’t we, Merlin?”

“I’m pretty sure.” The raven responded. “Your birthday was just a month ago, right?”

The brunet nodded. “Right. When was yours?”

Merlin shrugged. “A little before that, I think. I might be a touch younger than you.”

“You’re just a little guy. You have quite the bark.” The knight snorted, picking up the pace to catch up to his peers. Merlin stayed in the back, making sure he’d be ready to assist.

.

Everything happened in a blur. Men were forced off their horses, packs blown onto the ground, the clinking of swords being drawn and the shouting of commands. Merlin twisted his knee upon impact, but dragged himself behind a rock formation.

Leon was standing in front of Graham and the other younger knight, who were on the ground, both wounded. Gwaine dashed over to help the men up and pat their backs roughly. The men split off, Graham helping Leon fight off an ambusher.

Merlin watched closely as Arthur fought off two bandits, injuring them enough so that they’d hit the ground and be unable to fight, but not die. The lack of bloodlust was something Merlin noticed in the king as he matured. The young warlock admired it.

The older knights were fine on their own, Merlin noted. He studied Graham and the other closely, hoping their training was enough to save themselves. Their wounds were nothing more than a distraction, but a painful one.

During the fight, something caught the boy’s eyes. One bandit was dragging off the other young knight. Merlin screamed and shouted, but the other knight was already being ridden off with.

Arthur grabbed all of his knights but Graham and rode off, quickly. Merlin and Graham were to stay together, as Graham was injured and had the least training. The raven knew he should have protested to join them, but Graham was more important in that very moment.

As soon as all of the men left to follow the ambushers, Sir Graham covered his face, clearly mortified. 

“I made a fool of myself.”

Merlin pulled his pack from the ground (as it had fallen off in the hurry) and started pulling out medical supplies.

“You were brave and you fought. Trust me when I say I’ve seen far worse.”

“I still didn’t do  _ good. _ I fought like a coward and I acted like a liability.”   
  
The manservant sighed, already cleaning the brunet’s cuts and scrapes. He looked into his friend’s eyes.

“Graham, you’re young for a knight. Of course your first experience is going to be terrifying, and of course you aren’t going to be as brave as the older men boast to be. But, you still did excellent. I may be a servant, but I recognized what you were doing was from training. Do you know how many times I’ve seen people freeze up during a fight?”

The knight shook his head, smiling pitifully. “You flatter me.”

“And you  _ impress  _ me. Now, hold still, you baby.”

“You’re the baby.” Graham cooed, clearly trying to distract himself.

Merlin built a fire for the two when the men still hadn’t returned. The dread of not following the older knights was setting in. He hoped they’d return soon.

“Do you hear that?” Graham suddenly whispered. Merlin froze from his place over the fire. Noise other than the rustling leaves or crackling fire was bad.

A slender man whom Merlin recognized from the ambush earlier jumped out, followed by one more behind him. The young warlock shouted in surprise and jumped up on an injured knee to cover his friend. As the two men rapidly approached, Merlin knew they couldn’t fight them off. If he could just get Graham away…

“Run!” He motioned at the younger knight. Unfortunately, Graham had a determined look on his face, as if he really believed that in his injured state, he could fight off two rested and far more experienced fighters.

“Go! Run! Please!” Merlin cried and Graham advanced on the men.

He was quickly thrown to the ground. Merlin tried to fight back with magic. The offensive men hit the ground after minutes of combat. Graham had already hit the ground. Merlin rushed to his friend.

“Come on now, Sir Knight.” The manservant shook his friend, whispering to himself. His thoughts were moving quickly.

“Graham, this isn’t funny.” Merlin pressed two fingers to the knight’s wrist and counted. Except, there was nothing to count. There was nothing… to…

“Oh my gods…” The boy’s other hand that was on the brunet’s side was soaked in blood. Merlin tried to reach out with magic, but… there was no energy found in the knight. The boy who was wearing Camelot’s colors was dead. And there wasn’t any way Merlin could fix it.

Merlin sat at his friend’s body until the hoof prints approached and men’s voices were heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halloween was a bummer this year for me. anyone do anything fun? lmao
> 
> this chapter will get a follow up, by the way


	10. Blood Loss | Internal Bleeding | Trail of Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath. edited. added some fluff to feed my monkey brain

The knights gave Merlin space when they found him next to Graham’s body. Merlin didn’t want space, he wanted someone to be close to him and talk to him. Really, Merlin wanted Lancelot.

It was nice that he was still sleeping in Lancelot’s old room in the castle, but his friends dodging him in the halls was painful. Of course, staying in Lance’s room was painful in it’s own way. He was so close, yet never able to reach his friend.

“Uh, Merlin, could you set that down?” Arthur asked, startling the boy out of his deep thoughts. His mind returned to the king’s chambers, where he was holding the blond’s folded nightshirt, frozen.

“Sorry.” He ducked his head and put it away in the wooden dresser. 

Arthur laced his boots as Merlin put away the rest of his night clothing.

“How have you been sleeping? Gaius says you haven’t been around much after he fixed your knee.”

_ Oh, that’s right. He was supposed to be Gaius’ ward… _

“My sleep’s been fine, I suppose. I really should get back to helping Gaius, though.”

Arthur backtracked. “That’s not what I was getting at, really. I’m… worried. For you.”

“That’s surprising.” The manservant attempted to jest, but no one was laughing.

“Tell me what’s on your mind.” The blond guides him to have a seat on the bed. Merlin didn’t want to, he felt awkward, but Arthur is inviting and good looking. The boy wonders if Arthur is being kind out of his own guilt. It doesn’t really matter to him either way, he’ll take what he can get.

“I miss him. I don’t.. I’m not really sure what else to say.” Merlin laughed, somewhat embarrassed. There wasn’t much else to complicate how he felt. He missed the young knight.

Arthur leans against Merlin, gently. The young warlock holds his breath. Affection from Arthur was treasured.

“I do too. He was young and excited. He didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve to watch, either.”

The raven remembered back to when Arthur was still a prince and Balinor had died. The way Arthur had been taught to brush it off had been annoying and hurtful then, but Merlin knew now it was the only way Arthur knew how to cope. What more was there to do?

_ I wish I wasn’t such a coward,  _ Merlin wanted to say.  _ I wish I had used my magic to save him. _

He didn’t say any of that. Instead, he leaned against the keep, listening to his soft breathing. The king didn’t tease him or draw any attention to it. Arthur just squeezed his hand and rested his head against Merlin’s.

.

That night, Merlin, on wobbling legs, made his way to Lancelot’s old room. Gwaine had invited him for a drink and Merlin didn’t think a night of fun could hurt anyone. Leon had seemed hesitant to have a grieving man join them, but didn’t say anything.

Together, Leon, Gwaine, Merlin, and Percival sat in the tavern, Merlin sat between Leon and Gwaine. The raven drank more than he ever had before until Leon cut him off. The boy didn’t complain.

Gwaine told outrageous stories (which Perce laughed at every time) and Leon would add little quips in every time. The barmaid would linger at their table to listen in every so often, where Gwaine would make a fool of himself the whole time and Merlin watched as the man bore his soul out with no repercussions. 

The young warlock was jealous.

Once Merlin lost feeling in his fingers, he decided it was time to leave. The men wished him an easy journey back to his room.

The halls were dimly candle lit, but Merlin couldn’t help his stumbling. By the time he arrived in Lance’s room, his sight was bleary and his mind was foggy. There was a sharp pain in his side. Perhaps he bumped into something? It didn’t matter. He was already asleep.

The manservant was awakened by a worried Arthur. His eyebrows were drawn and his voice was loud. Merlin tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t move.

“There’s blood outside. Are you alright?”

“Ngh.” The boy grunted, rolling to his uninjured side. His fingers fumbling, trying to pull up his shirt. Arthur got the message and did it for him. A long, old, and clearly reopened gash was present on his hip.

“Merlin.” Arthur sounded exasperated, carefully pulling his friend’s body up to a sitting position. “You bled out all over the hallway last night and still went to sleep?”

_ I’m not going to clean it _ , he tried to say, but groaned instead. The room was bright and loud.

The king lifted Merlin up, hooking an arm around his shoulders.

“Let's get you to Gaius.” Arthur murmured. 

“No, no no no no-” He begins to blubber, panicked. “D-don’t bother him, Arthur, put me down, please- Arthur!”

“Merlin!” The king sounded shocked. “No, he’ll help you, please calm down.”

The younger put his head against Arthur’s chest.

“I feel so sad.” He whispered. “No made-up or big words. I’m just…”

The blond’s voice rumbled in his chest, quietly. “I know, it’s alright to be sad.” He paused. “I am too.”

“And my hip hurts.”

“You don’t say.” King Arthur carried the younger out of Lancelot’s old room.

Merlin smiled into Arthur’s chest, trying to cover up how humiliated he felt. “Be nice to me, I’m bleeding and still a little drunk.”

The raven didn’t say anything when Arthur’s hand cradled his head.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	11. Defiance | Struggling | Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gwaine has feelings, too. edited. no one is perfect

After a long day of working and messing around with the knights, Merlin would love nothing more than to sleep. The sky was dark and the air was still. It was late enough that only servants could be heard, drinking and shouting in the kitchens. Perhaps another night he’d join them.

Upon opening the door to the borrowed room, Gwaine was found seated at the bench beside the bed. The manservant leapt back, startled.

“Gwaine? What are you doing here?”

The brunet knights didn’t meet his gaze. Immediately, his stomach twisted in on itself. A quiet Gwaine was never good. It was unnatural.

“A-are you alright? What’s going on?” Merlin approached slowly, reaching for a candle on a side table. 

  
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” He slowly spoke up. “Don’t you trust me?” 

The young warlock struck a match and lit the room, albeit dimly. “Tell you what?”

His voice was too quiet. He’d never been that good of a liar. 

“Merlin,  _ your magic.” _

The boy took a step back, hands clammy and throat closing up. Gwaine didn’t make a move, but instead sat frozen, unblinking at his servant friend. Tears burned in the boy's eyes, his shoulders starting to quiver. The knight’s lips quirked downward.

“ _ You’re  _ upset? You didn’t trust me at all! You really think I would turn you in?” The normally-drunk man lifted his eyes, which were glazed with sober sorrow.

“I’m s-so sor-sorry!” Merlin lifted his hands to his mouth, feeling just  _ awful. _ “I was so nervous, I c-couldn’t let anyone know! You have to understand…” 

“I’ve trusted you so many times. Not once have I said anything that should make you worry.” Gwaine hissed, grasping at the fabric on the bed.

“It’s  _ illegal  _ here! Death has been hung over my head the moment I stepped foot here.” 

Merlin’s nose was red as he wiped under his eyes. The brunet didn’t respond, clearly distraught.

“I’m sorry.” The young warlock spoke softly and meaningfully. “I’ll explain everything. If you’re willing.”

It was a stretch. A leap into the unknown and Merlin knew it. In the midst of an action-packed fight, he could instinctively react immediately, but tangoing with the complicated relationships between friends? That field was different. There was no training or manual. Everything depended on factors that couldn’t be measured or fixed.

“Please, tell me.”

.

Merlin didn’t sleep at all that night. Neither did Gwaine. They spoke all through the hours until the sun rose and the raven had to pinch himself to stay awake. There were always more stories to tell; stories more important that rest.

“Lance knew before me?” Gwaine didn’t bother hiding the hurt.

“He found out by accident. I was trying to save his life, because he thought he was larger than it.”

The progress towards healing the obvious crack between Merlin and Gwaine was slow moving and over moving backwards. The idea of always trying to win back his trust made the boy sick, but the only way to move forward now was honesty. It felt nice to tell another person about everything. 

Of course, it would feel better if the person he was telling would smile every once and awhile. A straight faced Gwaine was disconcerting.

“I, uh… there was a girl- a druid girl once. She and I were planning on leaving together alone sometime after my second year here I think. I hadn’t met you yet, but if she had lived, I don’t think I’d ever have met you.”

Gwaine leaned forward, clasping his hands around his knees. “How did she pass away?”

Merlin swallowed. “The knights got her. She was cursed to turn into a monster at night.”

It was a strange topic for the boy. While the grief for her death was strong, it wasn’t quite love that he felt for her. It was a cruel longing to be free. Destiny couldn’t let her live. Merlin often wondered if it was his fault that she died.

A cold hand reached out and touched the manservant’s arm. The boy jumped, then realized it was Gwaine. Sorrow was painted all over his face.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke simply. “I shouldn’t have been mad at you. You were right to hide it.”

“You won’t tell anyone?”

“I’d never, Merls. You know that.”

The raven wiped his eyes, laughing at how ridiculous he felt. It was exhausting to cry in front of people. The knight scooted over and held the boy as he cried. That seemed to be everyone’s response, recently.

He never thought his revelation of magic would be so pitiful. He’d always hoped he could make some grand gesture in front of Arthur, or at least confess once magic was legal. Not once did he ever think it would be in front of a friend, crying. 

Of course, despite all of his hoping, Merlin knew if this is how his friend found out, Arthur wouldn’t be thrilled either; for different reasons that Gwaine was. Thinking about it made Merlin’s heart clench.

The young warlock would often have abstract dreams about the king finding out. It always involved Arthur being just out of reach and Merlin’s vision being obscured with ropes and flames.

“It’s Arthur’s birthday in a few days, so I need to get to work.” Merlin said, starting to stand up.

“I have a free day, let me join you.” 

The manservant hesitated. “You can’t say a word about this. You can’t even hint about it.”

Gwaine shrugged. “We’ll fuck around, just like the good old times.”

Merlin laughed. “Right. ‘Cause that never got us in trouble.” The laugh was borderline hysterical. The kind that was quiet enough that it didn’t turn heads, but still made people worry. Gwaine’s internal guilt was strong.  _ He’d  _ caused that tone in his friend. He’d have to do better, the knight decided.

Once Merlin stood up straight, his hands flew to his head.

“Woah, I’m a touch light headed.”

Gwaine  _ tsked tsked,  _ grinning like a fool.

“It’s been several hours since we’ve eaten. Lucky for you, I keep a tight stock of food in my room, which, still lucky for you, is next door.”

“I haven’t forgotten,  _ lucky for me,  _ thanks to the plethora of women you bring in at night. Have you tried men? It might be far quieter.”

The brunet knight spluttered at his younger friend’s vulgar opinions. It wasn’t often the boy said things in that manner. Merlin laughed while stretching his weary limbs.

“Are you coming?” He asked Gwaine, standing by the doorway of Lance’s room. The drunkard nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it just me or does gwaine seem like the only one ballsy enough to drop the f-bomb? maybe im crazy...
> 
> boy oh boy do i have plans for the next chappy. any predictions?


	12. Broken Down | Broken Bones | Broken Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you have to make it start fluffy so that the angst hits harder. edited. hah, even broke my heart during the editing process.

“Merlin, do you know what day it is?”

“Happy birthday Sire!” The boy cheered, throwing the sheets Arthur was tucked under away. The king grumbled, miffed that his appeal to Merlin’s emotional side didn’t work. In fact, it did the opposite as intended. Instead of letting his master sleep in, the manservant danced about the room, gushing about how fun the day would be.

An entire festival planned for the king’s day of birth would take place all day; something Merlin made very much known. For whatever reason, his manservant was very excited about the street performers and food. It was like he didn’t realize Arthur wanted him by his side at all times.

“You think they’ll have those stuffed rolls like last year? Oh, I hope so.”

“I’m the fat one?” The king spoke up. Merlin’s head immediately turned, staring pointedly. Arthur would have been intimidated if the young warlock wasn’t still red in the face from his excited babbling.

The manservant pointed to the neatly folded clothing pile on the bed. “Put on some clothes before you talk to me.”

Arthur blanched, still standing half-nude. Merlin just snickered and carried on putting back together the king’s chambers.

“You are aware today is  _ my birthday.  _ You don’t suppose you could act like a normal servant for a day?”

The boy shook his head as he closed the drawer to the dresser. “You ask too much, I’m afraid. Besides, I’ve already gotten you something.”

This drew in the king’s attention. “Oh? And when can I have it.”

“Well, you have to be patient! Honestly…”

The two laughed as they continued their morning rituals. Once finished, Merlin accompanied Arthur to the outdoors, where the festival was beginning. The raven was practically bouncing on his heels like a small child.

“Arthur, hear me out: before you sit down for the tourney, buy some sweet bread.”

The king was swiftly walking towards the field. “That’s it? You just want bread?”

“And those crispy strawberry things. The puffy ones.”

“I genuinely can’t tell if you’re stupid or mocking me.”

The boy just hummed. His eyes lit up as Gwaine came into view. Those two had been rather close recently. It worried the king.

“Merls! Have you tried this strawberry tart?”

Like a little boy would to his father (or a whiny servant to his master), Merlin turned to Arthur before responding to the knight.

“Arthur.  _ Please.  _ Before you make me follow you around everywhere, let me get one.”

The blond sighed, laughing on the inside. “Be back soon.”

The two men (children) scurried off, frantically and excitedly talking as they walked towards the stalls. Arthur continued his way to his seat. People he passed wished him a happy birthday and shook his hand. The positive attention felt nice.

By the time the king could take a seat, piles of gifts were beside his seat. Some were wrapped, and some were out in the open. Men and women were seated around him. Minutes passed until Merlin and Gwaine reappeared. The younger one was read in the face, talking quickly, as if to defend himself and Gwaine teased him.

Arthur had to strain his ears to listen.

_ “You like him, don’t you?” _

_ “Hush! I absolutely do not, stop saying that!” _

_ “Why’d you be so embarrassed if you don’t?” _

Merlin shoved his hand over the brunet’s mouth.  _ “He’s the king! Please, Gwaine-” _

The knight yanked the manservant’s hand off.  _ “Don’t be so childish, I can tell when a man fancies another. It’s like a second sense of mine. Just admit it and I’ll leave you alone about it.” _

_ “You make me want to cry. Fine, I… like Arthur. But it’s silly, and I’ll kill you if you tell anyone.” _

Sir Gwaine waved.  _ “Right, right.” _

_ “And that includes Percival.” _

Gwaine hesitated.  _ “Fine.” _

The raven and brunet made it up to the chairs, Gwaine branching off to sit with the other knights, whereas Merlin made a beeline towards a perplexed Arthur. The king quickly gathered himself, trying to push what he just heard out of his mind.

“I’ve gotten you a tart. Happy birthday. I paid for it with some coin I took from your room.”

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“You’re welcome.” The young warlock smirked, pushing the treat into the man’s hands.

“You perplex me, Merlin.” Arthur set the treat down on the arm of his chair.

“Glad to hear it.”

.

The day ended, and it was wonderful. Warm words and gifts were passed around, celebrating the king and Camelot itself. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so carefree. It was sad the day had to end.

“Why are you still here, Merlin? Surely you and my men are off to drink to a year closer to my death.”

Both of the raven’s hands were behind his back, his shoulders fidgeting.

“Well, I- I got you something. Other than a tart.”

The king raised his eyebrow, then cursed to himself as he saw Merlin deflate a little at the gesture. Arthur tried to loosen up. Merlin wasn’t threatening, he could show a little emotion.

“It’s, uh, two things, somewhat. A gift, then I’d like to tell you something.”

_ Oh. _

Merlin was going to tell him about his feelings. Arthur’s chest was pounding. As inclined towards his manservant as he was, Merlin was his  _ manservant _ . A peasant. There wasn’t much he could do with the information. Except…

Hearing the raven admit it to Arthur made his heart flutter. It made the king feel valid and happy. The same feeling as he’d had each time Merlin would lean in to hug or tell silly jokes during long patrols.

The vain part of Arthur worried that he wasn’t well dressed enough for a confession.

“I know it isn’t much, but I got you a bracelet. It was, uh, custom.”

The bracelet was a thin leather band, held together by three silver loops. The accessory was nearly glowing. The king felt mesmerized by it. 

“Thank you.” He spoke honestly. The blond held the present, gently turning it in his hands. He’d had wrist bands before, but none with such beauty before.

“And I wanted to tell you…”

Arthur looked up, noticing Merlin’s shaking hands and tense posture. Did he really strike fear into the boy? Hell, he wasn’t even a boy anymore. Merlin and Arthur were hardly a few years apart in age, both adults.

“I haven’t been honest with you, but I want to change that because I trust you. It’s just, oh, I’m sorry, it’s hard to say.” Merlin slipped over his words. The king waited, surprisingly patient.

“I have magic. I’m a warlock.”

And suddenly, Arthur was falling. His emotions were everywhere, but not a single one decipherable. The bracelet in his hands fell to the floor, the silver rings thudding against the wood Merlin had cleaned just days prior. Merlin, the  _ traitor.  _ Merlin, the man whole captured his heart and ran off with it.

“Arthur?” The manservant’s voice was quiet and uncertain. “I’ve only ever used it to help you and the knights. I’ve never tried to hurt anyone. Well, it’s complicated, but I haven’t been corrupted or anything.” 

_ Liar, liar liar. Merlin’s a liar. _

_ He’s lied this long, what’s stopping him from lying now? _

“Arthur?” His voice quivered. Arthur pushed back all of his emotions.

“Get out.”

Merlin stepped back as if he’d been burned by the words of his companion, but he didn’t leave. Rage filled the king, replacing all of the warmth and cheer he felt prior. 

“I said.  _ Get. Out.” _

The dark haired boy staring at his king, then turned and ran.

Arthur stumbled into his desk chair, eyes wide and breathing fast.

“Whah… What even…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the wise words of my friend, "ohhohoHO"
> 
> thoughts?


	13. Alt 10 Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aftermath, but not good. edited. strap in.

Merlin spent his night huddled in Lancelot’s bed, pondering over where he went wrong and how to fix it. Or, when he’d die.

_ What if my destiny was to die? What if the only way that magic is restored is if Arthur regrets killing me? _

The thought sent Merlin vomiting onto the floor beside the bed. In a fear and panic induced state of mind, he cried for ruining Lance’s room. He’d tainted it. He’d messed everything up. His days were numbered.

During the middle of the night, the boy crept through the halls to find Gaius.

“My boy, what are you doing awake?” The older man asked. Merlin's hands shook as he took a seat on one of the vacant cots.

“I-I told Arthur. I ruined it.”

Gaius sat down next to the raven, giving him a quick squeeze. 

“Give him some time.” The physician said, but sounded uncertain. Merlin felt uncertain too. But… he could give Arthur time. His destiny relied on it.

.

His sleep was riddled with nightmares. Gold eyes that he’d never seen before haunted him. Pain would flare in places that the gold hit him. It was a vivid blur of glittering colors, but they all  _ hurt. _

Arthur would try to twist away from the magic, but it was always striking him. The attacker was passionate and quick. The king felt like a fawn trying to stand up for the first time. 

“Stop!” He’d cry to the chaos. “Please!”

His pleas were lost on the ears of the raven.

The dream felt never ending. Arthur  _ knew  _ it was a dream, but it wouldn’t stop. 

Merlin would sneer at him and strike again. It didn’t take long until the blond collapsed in a bloody heap.

“Arthur?”

The quiet voice startled him. The dream-Merlin wasn’t talking. It was a shaky, terrified voice calling from above him. Somebody gently shook his shoulders. Arthur’s eyes opened.

Merlin stood beside his bed, eyebrows pinched in concern. His manservant. The traitor.

“Gather my clothes.” The king grunted, walls immediately put up in the company of a  _ liar. _ Merlin did it without hesitation. No quips or comments to be found. Humiliation burned in the core of Arthur, but he couldn’t let Merlin know he had the upper hand. His hands trembled with such severity that he had to hold them to his chest while Merlin was distracted.

The king pulled himself out of bed and stood straight, head up. It had been years since he’d acted so formal around Merlin. He never thought he’d be forced to do it again, but he couldn’t let his guard down around a sorcerer. 

Something glinted from the coroner of his eye. On the floor was the gift that Merlin had presented to him. That already felt like it had happened so long ago. Arthur picked it up. He could feel Merlin’s gaze on his, careful and calculating.

He tossed the present in the fire. The silver glimmer loops clanged against the grate and the leather burnt and curled. Merlin, still holding Arthur’s clothes, stared at the flames, frozen. 

Before Arthur could stop himself, he began to taunt, “Did you enchant that with magic, too?”

_ Just to make it luster,  _ Merlin stopped himself from saying. It felt like his soul was shriveling. A switch had gone off in Arthur’s head and the boy had no clue how to reverse it. It seemed the best thing to do was to just stay quiet and pray that Arthur wouldn’t put him to death.

Since the beginning of Arthur’s reign, not a single sorcerer had been executed. The king always seemed to turn a blatant blind eye towards them, only serving the death penalty to those who’ve commited unforgivable crimes.

Merlin  _ could not  _ be the first of a horrible fate. Who knows what that would trigger. He knows that Arthur is no Uther, but the possibilities terrify Merlin. 

The silver in the ring dulled in the fire, it’s magic burning out and coating in ash.

“Dress me.” The king’s voice was hard, not revealing any of his emotions that Merlin  _ knew  _ he was feeling. The manservant had lost his trust, but in turn, the manservant lost his trust for him back. 

Merlin buttoned his front, rolling up Arthur’s sleeves expertly. There were niche skills you picked up after years of being a servant. As the raven gathered the blond’s bedclothes, Arthur walked to his armoire, putting on a couple of rings. He stopped at one of them, examining the detailed pendant to one of the gold rings. 

The boy’s stomach plummeted when he recognized which ring it was.

Years ago, Merlin had desperately wanted to give his prince something, but finding a gift worthy for a king was difficult when most of your wage went to handing cash under the table to poor families who could afford Gaius’ care. Back when he still lived with the physician. 

  
To remedy this problem, he took a nice smooth stone from the forest and enchanted it into a gold-like metal, carving a somewhat stylized dragon into the face of the jewelry. Arthur had been thrilled and touched when Merlin presented it under the impression that Merlin’s story, he’d found it in the library, was true.

Arthur slowly turned to his once-friend.

“You didn’t find this, did you?”

Merlin cast his gaze downward, face hot and tears already gathering in his eyes. How shameful he was. All of his secrets would come tumbling out one by one, and it had already begun.

“You’ve been trying to control me under the pretence these were presents.” His voice was steadily rising.

“No! I only enchanted them for purely aesthetic reasons. I would never!”

King Arthur stared straight into the withering soul of his manservant. Merlin tried to be quiet as he sniffed and discreetly swiped at his cheek.

“You are dismissed. You will attend to me after dinner.”

Merlin nodded and escaped while he could.

.

“I’ve ruined everything.” Merlin’s muffled complaint came from Lancelot’s bed. Gwaine sat at the foot of the bed, leaning against the wall. The vomit had been cleaned, thank the Gods.

Had it been a stranger walking in, they would have mistaken the scene for a young man complaining about his lover troubles, not a warlock who had presumably caused his own death sentence.

Sir Gwaine took a bite of his apple, thinking. Merlin’s face was pressed into the fluffy pillow. He didn’t have this sort of luxury back in his old room before the fire, but he wished he weren’t taking up the late Lancelot’s room. It felt wrong, like tainting the name of a noble knight.

“At least he hasn’t hit me.”

That got Gwaine’s mouth running immediately.

“He  _ shouldn’t  _ touch you under  _ any  _ circumstance. If he were to hit you, you hit him back, Merlin. Gods, he hasn’t hit you, right?”

Merlin shook his head, slightly dazed and startled at the brunet’s outburst. Though, he was thankful for it; the concern. 

“Yeah, I know.” He sighed into the bedding. His mind was racing, but his body was exhausted.

Tomorrow would be another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so? any hearts broken? it only gets worse from here. then better. but that doesnt matter!


	14. Branding | Heat Exhaustion | Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mind the prompts. edited. DUDE this one hurts.

After dressing Arthur with minimal talk, the king left, leaving Merlin to clean his room alone.

The boy made a beeline for the fire. He could see the face outline of the three silver rings underneath the flames. His hand tentatively reached for it, but the fire was hot. Of course he wasn’t immune to fire.

On the desk in front of the window, something caught his eyes. The ring. Sighing, Merlin picked it up, holding it in his palms, carefully, then put it away in the armoire. He tucked it behind some items, hoping Arthur wouldn’t toss it in the fireplace. His heart couldn’t take that.

Merlin kept cleaning, distracting himself from all of his dread.

.

His mother used to keep Merlin busy by helping in the house. It was hard to take the boy outside because the neighbors were superstitious and having a child with magic was dangerous. Instead, Merlin would do laundry and repair boots for the small village. It kept the people quiet.

The raven found himself using the same tricks he used then just to get by. After all, fixing things, all cooped up indoors was temporary, so this must be too. Both instances felt like eternity.

Merlin would hum to himself; little folk songs and sometimes even ad libbing it when he knew no one was listening. He was nowhere near talented, but he was happy and it was simple. Sometimes he would count the grains on the wooden floors as he counted, comparing it to the plank next to it, then averaging the next one. Maybe he’d even hum while doing it, but he was no genius.

The manservant missed his mother. She spoke softly and had a gentle touch about her. Seldom would she raise her voice. There were times, naturally, that she did. It was almost always directed at Will, his childhood friend. Will would encourage Merlin to do magic, always causing mayhem in the small village. 

The positive attention regarding his magic, something shunned, was a nice change of pace. He got good at doing things discreetly, but his handle on it still wasn’t great. A small part of him wishes he never had to come to Camelot. If he hadn’t, he’d never trick himself into thinking Arthur liked and trusted him back. 

The loud of the door thudding against the wall as it was swung open startled the boy from his spot on the floor, making him jump up and turn towards the noise. 

“Ready to curse me, were you?” The king sighed. “Put that away. I’m joining the knights on patrol and I don’t trust you to be here alone.”

Merlin turned his head towards the ground, face red with frustration and embarrassment, but he listened nonetheless. Arthur stood straight, waiting for Merlin to finish cleaning up.

“Pack my things.”

The young warlock stumbled, trying to gather things under the king’s harsh gaze. 

“Hurry.”

His fingers fumbled on the ties of the pack, so desperate to please. Sure, Merlin was angry and displeased with Arthur, but that only mattered so much when he was so willing to follow Arthur. He couldn’t just  _ leave.  _ He had a destiny to follow. Not following his destiny was how people died.

Arthur opened the door, staring and Merlin expectantly. The boy followed as Arthur spoke, “A few knights will be attending, though I’ve mixed it up between the younger ones and the older ones.”

The manservant’s stomach dropped as he remembered what had happened the last time they brought a fresh knight. Naturally, Merlin would remember. He was the one who sat next to Graham’s body, waiting for help that came too late.  _ He  _ was too late.

Everyone met at the stables once all of the gear was packed. Elyan and Percival were accompanied by three young knights, only one of which had ever gone on an outing with the king. The men (more like boys, the manservant noted) were whispering among each other, clearly excited.

“Merlin, my friend. Gwaine tells me you haven’t been sleeping well?” Elyan clapped Merlin’s back. The sleepy warlock stumbled forward, a silly smile pulling on his lips. The knight looks sheepish as he steadies his friend.

“Sorry, I didn’t even think that through.”

The boy just laughs, his troubles gradually trickling away. “Sleep’s been an ass, but I appreciate your concern. No harm done. How are you?”

“I’ve been well. The king’s acting difficult during training, but I’m glad to see the younger ones joining us again.”

Merlin looked away. Elyan suddenly looked stricken, far from his usual loose grin.

  
“Oh.  _ Oh,  _ why would Arthur bring you- I…” 

Percival walked up after listening in and gently leaned against the raven. The brown eyed man looked to his companion for help.

“I’ll watch them, Merlin. It will be alright.”

_ He had people looking out for him. _

.

“Gather firewood.” The king commanded his servant without looking up from the map that he and the two older knights were studying. The younger ones were still setting up the tents, which was quite the struggle for them. 

The sky was dark and the woods felt even darker. Merlin hesitated, staring at the back of the king’s head until he turned around, irritated. Arthur faltered ever so slightly upon seeing the terror on Merlin’s face. Hope blossomed in the young warlock’s chest. 

“Jarek, accompany Merlin.” He waved, looking back at the map.

The younger knight looked up from the tent fabrics, eyes wide.

“Yes, sire.”

Merlin felt worse than he had before. The hope crumbled, settling at the bottom of his soul. Arthur did this on purpose. He  _ had  _ to. He wanted Merlin to suffer. “Come on, then.” The boy muttered to the younger. Jarek nodded, hopping up and trailing the older.

Every so often, the brunet knight would pick up a dry log that Merlin didn’t. That made Merlin grin through his anxieties. 

“Why’re you scared of the forest?” He asked suddenly. 

Surprised by the shy boy’s question, Merlin stopped, turning around to face him.

“If I tell you, I better not hear you telling anyone.” He warned good naturedly. Jarek shook his head frantically. 

“No, never!”

“It sounds like a ghost story, but I’m not making it up.” Merlin shifted the wood in his arms. “I found a corpse, here. Well, not here, but in the woods. It was just hanging in the trees. It was fresh and I…”

“That’s horrifying.” The younger knight finished for him. Merlin just nodded, already slowing his pace down to be closer to another human. The hair on the back of his neck stood up.

“I hear something.” Merlin whispered, suddenly gripping the knight’s wrist and holding him close.

Merlin knew what he had to do. He couldn’t risk another knight’s life because he couldn’t save it.

“Run.” He hissed. “Don’t make a sound and get out of here.”

Jarek’s eyes were glistening with fear, but dashed away as instructed. The young warlock looked around, searching for the source of the noise.

A man appeared in front of him, face twisted horribly. 

“Who are you?” He asked tersely, with no time for silly quips. Once upon a time, taunting his attackers had felt thrilling, but not any longer.

“The Bringer.” The mysterious man said.

Slowly, the boy backed up and away from the man, but the sorcerer in front of him lifted his hand swiftly and the forest vines snatched Merlin’s limbs. He struggled, but nothing worked. 

“Stop- what are-?”

Vines snaked around his mouth, effectively shutting him up. The young warlock tried to magic his way out of the vines using fire, but the vires just grew back. He tried again, but only ended up burning himself.

Noticing the burn, The Bringer grinned. “I see you got the memo.”

Merlin’s eyebrows furrowed, absolutely boggled. 

Suddenly, The sorcerer conjured a metal poker. An elegant metal ‘E’ was welded to the front.

“It is my belief that to efficiently track the process of Emrys, I must have to make sure I am following the right one.”

Merlin’s eyes widened. He started his thrashing and screaming back up, fear flooding his limbs. They wanted to  _ brand  _ him.

The man stepped up and held firmly on one of his shoulders, effortlessly tearing the clothing off his back. The poker was ignited just by him blowing on it. Merlin twisted his neck to watch as the metal glowed a scorching red. Tears stung at his eyes in fear, but he didn’t give up his struggle. Unfortunately, all movement ceased as it was pressed into his skin.

Merlin unintentionally lurched forward, gagging though the vines as the man pressed the flaming metal to his burning flesh. Suddenly, King Arthur and Sir Percival burst through the trees, swords held ready. Jarek must have gotten them. The sorcerer tried to stop them with magic from his other hand, but Percival got to him quicker, knocking him to the ground. The poker fell with it, along with Merlin, who was only supported by The Bringer’s grip.

Arthur stabbed through the man’s heart as Percival cut the vines. Merlin was breathing heavily. 

“Oh, Merlin.” The big knight hummed, lifting up the boy gingerly, watching the wound on his back. Arthur watched, panting, panic drawn on his face. The manservant looked away from his king.

He couldn’t stand to look at him. He’d never blamed Arthur for something destiny related, but this time felt different. His soul was hurt and his body in tremendous pain, and Arthur could have prevented that all. 

Merlin gasped as Percival accidentally jostled him. The gentle giant murmured apologies and brushed the tears from the manservant’s face. The younger knights look absolutely terrified at the horrors they were subjected to witness. Merlin caught Jarek’s gaze, who’s eyes were glazed.

“T-thank you.” He breathed out to Jarek, who stood straight, startled, before relaxing.

“I wish I could have done more.” He admitted. 

Percival shook his head. “You did as much as you could, and for that, I am proud of you. These things don’t happen often, and you did excellently.”

Merlin held onto the knight tighter as Percival spoke to Jarek. Over his shoulder, he could see Arthur’s eyes glued to the boy. Merlin looked away and held Percy tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dissatisfying, right?


	15. Possession | Magical Healing | Science Gone Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you like hard hitting emotions? edited. if not, then why tf you here.

Merlin spent a lot of time working. His life became a blur waking up, attending Arthur, and being alone. His friends were busy, and he didn’t blame them, but a little ‘hi’ every now and then would have been greatly appreciated.

When Merlin was brought to Gaius after the branding experience, he had been so out of it, but he remembered so clearly the look up fright on the physician’s face, the way he pressed his knuckles to his mouth and closed his eyes. Quietly, Gaius asked that everyone was to leave the room while he worked.

The rest was hazy, but he remembered a soft glow of blue and then peace. Gaius swears he just treated it with a strong medicine then let Merlin rest, but the boy wasn’t a complete fool. He felt grateful, and to show it, helped work for Gaius in between helping the king.

Percival, the ever quiet, visited Merlin a couple of times during the young manservant’s healing, just like other knights used to do when Arthur was still a prince. He was gentle and spoke quietly to the manservant, always bringing fresh flowers for Gaius’ chambers. 

“To brighten this dreary place.” He explained the second time after Merlin hummed in confusion from the confines of his cot. 

Arthur didn’t visit him once. Thankfully, Merlin didn’t have to go to work for an extra week, as Gaius said the boy required more rest (which was a lie, Merlin was perfectly fine, but he didn’t say anything).

Upon returning to work, the king didn’t speak to him any more than a quick set of introductions. The lack of banter and talk in general deflated his mood every time. 

It wasn’t until Arthur left his room that Merlin let himself grieve a little bit. A couple tears here and there, then he was fine, he told himself. After a moment of looking at Arthur’s ring that he stashed away, Merlin got back to work, feeling worse than he did before.

.

“Let’s get a drink.” Gwaine proposed, laying on Lancelot’s bed and Merlin folded his fresh clothes.

“Let’s not.” Merlin countered, not even turning towards his friend. He could practically feel the pout on the knight behind him. “Come on, now. How is that a good idea?”

Gwaine didn’t respond, but he did heave a heavy sigh and fall backwards on the bed.

“I think Arthur told Leon.” The curly haired knight spoke casually. “He’s been a real uptight prick recently. I think he’s nervous.”

The young warlocks movements slowed. 

“I suppose I haven’t seen him much. Maybe I should talk to him. And maybe  _ you  _ should head to sleep. It’s late and you have training in the morning.”

“Yes, mum.” He teased back, stretching and sitting back up. The warlock accompanied him to the older knight’s room, which was just down the hall. As Sir Gwaine closed his door, Leon opened his and stepped out. 

“Oh! Good evening, Leon.”

The oldest of Merlin’s friends looked weary, clutching the door frame as if he were to fall over any moment.

“Evening, Merlin.”

“How’s your day been? I haven’t seen you much.” He played it safe, keeping things casual, as if Merlin hadn’t outed himself and nearly gotten himself killed. 

“Long. Full of childish knights.”

The raven laughed. “So Gwaine told me. You look exhausted, I’ll leave you to yourself. Good night.”

Leon just blinked back and Merlin, with his damp brow and shaky hands, made it back to Lancelot’s room. He felt foolish walking into the room that belonged to a dead man. He felt shame for his status as Leon’s eyes followed him. 

Merlin fell asleep after not too long and woke up just too early. He laid in bed, staring up at the castle ceiling, watching as the sun shone through the window more and more. His fingers brushed over the back of his shoulder, where only the faintest trace of the brand could be found. His eyes started to sting. The sun continued to rise.

He didn’t recall doing much other than gripping his shoulder and crying, the stress clouding his head; filling his senses. Any moment now, someone would burst through his room and demand he get to work, because not everyone was fortunate enough to have a lie in, so he certainly shouldn’t be. He had work to do, and he wasn’t special. He was no exception. Merlin wasn’t ever a special exception. He certainly wasn’t for Arthur, and if a several year close-knit friendship and borderline flirtatious relationship didn’t warrant a special exception, why would anyone grant him such a gift?

His fingers dug into the burnt flesh. His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes, unable to bear another reminder that he had to move. The boy’s chest was tight and his body was too hot under the blankets, a privilege he hadn’t known before taking the late Lancelot’s room. He couldn’t even work hard enough for his own blankets. They had been gifted and lent, but never owned.

With as busy as he was, he should have enough wealth for the small things in life, but Merlin was often spending it on other things. Paying off the knight’s tavern bills, helping Gaius’ patients with their bills, buying King Arthur a  _ stupid foolish gift that he had to go and enchant and ruin his life.  _

Merlin felt like a fuck-up. He felt like his entire life had been led up to an inevitable execution. His feelings were so torn and broken up. The heartbreak and sorrow and anger he felt for Arthur, the anguish he felt for himself, everything was too twisted and convoluted for him to sort out.

A quick peek out the window told him it was midday. How time moved so fast in what felt so short was beyond him, but it happened and now the raven felt like he was wasting away. If this was somehow the end, a selfish part of him wanted Arthur to see what he did to Merlin. But… this pity and melancholic feeling wasn’t the king’s fault, Merlin was just broken. Messed up somehow. The manservant had been surrounded with death and loss, and now it had caught up to him. The hanging bodies, the dead knights, the lost father, friends, the torture and the hatred had ruined the boy, and Merlin was the only one alive to pay the price. He failed Morgana, he failed every pleading sorcerer and sorceress, he failed the prophecy. 

Tears leaked from his eyes, falling slowly down his cheeks and onto Lancelot’s pillow. He remembers how Gwen grieved, once she got the chance to grieve for both Morgana and Lancelot. Everyone knew how close she was to both, and they showered her in love and affection. The road to recovery for Gwen was a difficult one, but she made it. Merlin cried alone in his pre-fire room, holding Lancelot’s pre-fire jacket. Nobody spared a thought for the silly skinny manservant. In their defence, he always made a conscious effort not to seem overly upset, but he still wished he had someone to cry to other than Gaius. Gaius was a kind, but busy man.

“Merlin?” A muffled voice asked, followed by two knocks on the door. It sounded like… Arthur? He didn’t get up. He only clutched his shoulder harder and suppressed his crying. He wished he locked his door.

“I swear, you haven’t locked yourself in here, you ungrateful-” The door swung open with ease, and in walked the king, agitated. Then his eyes landed on the younger, face red and ill-looking. His tone quieted some.

“Merlin? What’s happened?”

The boy breathed out through his stuffy nose and turned to his side, seemingly trying to make himself seem smaller. “I’m sorry.” He gasped, tightening his arms, which were wrapped around his body. “Please don’t kill me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is hard from over. or.. sorta far from over?


	16. Forced to Beg | Hallucinations | Shoot the Hostage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamnit arthur. edited. i like sad things.

_ “Please don’t kill me.” _

“I- no! Merlin, no!”

The boy started blubbering.

“I’m sorry I lied and-and I messed up but I can do better and- I’m so sorry, Arthur, I mean sire, your majesty, please…”

The king walked further into the room, noticing the blankets kicked about. The boy looked feverish, twisting and turning in the borrowed bed. Arthur’s heart felt like it was twisting and turning from simply watching it.

“No, Merlin, it’s alright, really. What’s going on?”

The blond could have kicked himself for the stupid question. Merlin was ill and terrified, plus obviously delusional. Cautiously, the man ventured in closer to the sick manservant. It must have been the stress, if this was how he acted, Arthur concluded, trying not to think about how  _ he  _ caused that stress.

“Right, up you go.” He murmured as he helped Merlin shakily rise to his feel. The raven was oddly quiet, seemingly fighting to keep his eyes open. “Let’s head over to Gaius.”

“B-b-but… what about the magic?”

Wow, sick Merlin was blunt.

“You need medicine.” Arthur evaded the question expertly. “And sleep.”

“Where’s Arthur?”

_ What? That was… Did he black out? Forget?  _

The king stared into the glistening eyes of Merlin. His lips were quivering and his shoulders were trembling. Arthur was surprised to find his own hands shaking. His hands hadn’t shaken that bad since he was a child. 

“H-he isn’t here right now.” The blond lied. That seemed to cause Merlin’s body to relax a little bit. Arthur had to close his eyes for a moment to gather himself. This didn’t make  _ sense,  _ but lately, nothing did. Nothing ever did, really.

He nearly had to drag the ill sorcerer to Gaius’, getting a few odd glances from working servants, as it was midday. The king pulled Merlin inside the physician’s chambers, then swiftly shut the door from behind him.

“Gaius.” He breathed out, voice unsteady, just as Merlin was on his feet. Arthur let him lean against him, gently holding him up. “I found him ill in his room.”

The older man’s eyebrows shot up. He set down the book he was reading and hurried over, taking Merlin and guiding him to a cot. Arthur hung by the doorway awkwardly as Gaius held his hand against the younger’s forehead.

Hesitantly, he followed Gaius.

“Is there anything I can help with.”

For a split moment, anguish flashed in the physician’s eyes. Waves of feeling and sorrow were visible. Arthur knew exactly why. The situation was complicated, but the priority was the sick boy. Gaius nodded slightly and motioned towards the basin of water, where a rag was hanging. 

“Gaius?” Merlin mumbled. “Where’s Arthur?”

The older man’s head lifted swiftly in alarm. Arthur shook his head violently. Telling him that Arthur was here would only freak Merlin out more. 

“He’s not here, my boy.”

Arthur rang out the rag and dabbed Merlin’s forehead with his. The boy sighed softly.

“Merlin, how much sleep have you been getting?” Gaius asked from across the room, searching through racks of vials for something to help him sleep. There was only so much to do when it was clear that Merlin was just exhausted.

The young warlock grumbled something, too focused on the cool rag on his skin. Arthur lifted it up for Merlin to say something, but the boy protested instead. A small, weak smile spread across his face at his friend.

Gaius added a couple of drops of from a vial into a cup and brought it over to his ward. Arthur helped tip the contexts into Merlin’s mouth, feeling relieved when he swallowed without any problems. Once the raven’s breathing slowed, Gaius started to talk again.

“Why did you help him?”

Arthur twisted his hands in front of him. He wasn’t really sure. At first, when Merlin had shown his magic, Arthur did his best to ignore it, but he was so  _ upset.  _ His entire life, he’d been told that magic warped a person, ruining them. Everyone he’d ever met with magic had proven it, so to find out that Merlin was a sorcerer… it felt like everything he’d known was a lie. There was no way Merlin could be tainted. That couldn’t happen to Arthur.

The king felt like he had no choice but to ignore Merlin in hopes that that’d scare him into stop practicing magic, or  _ something.  _ Arthur was just so scared. The man knew he couldn’t kill his friend, but he didn’t know what to do. He was selfish.

Arthur Pendragon was so, so selfish.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> progress? sorry it's shorter


	17. Alt 2 Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tis short but the fucks i give are none
> 
> you might be reading this and thinking, ‘oh, boo, merlin is forgiving too fast, but oooo boy just you wait. edited. it’s a work in progress.

It had been a while since Merlin had enjoyed his time on a patrol with the knights. His anxieties weren’t nearly as high and the men were always joking around. Arthur seemed to be in a good mood, too.

Neither of them talked about what was happening, but there was hope circling the subject. Merlin didn’t dare push it. The kindness in the moment was enough. 

Every one of the original knights (except Lancelot, of course) was there. Percival hovered around Gwaine, who clung to Merlin. Elyan teased the chain reaction, and Percival’s face went red. The drunkard knight couldn’t stop laughing.

“Leave the poor man alone.” Leon spoke from his horse, but Gwaine didn’t pay him any mind. Arthur asked Percy if he were ill and Gwaine, Elyan and Merlin roared in laughter. As they rode out, checking the boarders, the men jested and told stories. The patrols that King Arthur could make time to attend were growing fewer, but never ceased. The young warlock always tried to lighten Arthur’s load so that he could get some time off.

“Merlin, watch out for that t-”

A branch  _ thwapped  _ against the raven’s head. To steady himself, he gripped his horse as the Gwaine snorted.

“I tried to warn you.” He clicked his tongue.

“Warn me faster.” The man grumbled. Arthur doesn’t say much. He doesn’t know what to say. Merlin may have been a shite liar, but he always seemed to play off his emotions expertly. The king found himself to be the opposite, as he was with many things compared to Merlin.

“We should stay the night here.” Elyan decided. “I’m getting sick of the castle.”

Leon squawked in response. “You don’t- you can’t decide things like that!”

“I don’t mind the idea.” Percival said, followed by an agreeing Gwaine.

“Sire.” Leon sounded exasperated. One would think he would be used to babysitting grown men.

Arthur thought for a moment. They  _ did  _ have all of the supplies to do so, so it wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“I’d be alright with it.”

Cheers broke out among the knights, Merlin joining in. Only a moment more of riding and they found a spot to tether the horses and build a fire. Well, for Merlin to tether to horses and build a fire.

Leon started to unload the horses as the others chatted and refilled the water. Merlin appreciated their effort. They usually didn’t do those things, as it was the manservant’s job, but he was glad it happened. 

“Merls.” A voice whispered from behind the boy. Out of fright, Merlin threw the kindling sticks he was previously holding.

“Gwaine! You bastard f-” He whipped around to see all of the knights, save Arthur, crouched behind him, grinning like mad. Gwaine couldn’t contain his laughter.

“Care to finish that?” Arthur drawled from his horse. The corner of Merlin’s lips turned up.

_ Progress. _

“I don’t know what you mean.”

.

Merlin rolled out the cots and started cooking dinner, passing the time by listening to the big men children play around.

“Catch me!” Gwaine cried to Percival, who shouted in surprise, but still caught the man, despite stumbling back a little. Elyan cried out from how unfair that was, then turned to Leon, asking if he’d do that. The redhead made an excuse about his age and his back, and Elyan threatened to cry.

Arthur was taking a walk in the woods while everyone played about. The idea of doing so made Merlin shiver and want to curl up. Nothing good came from that. He prayed he wouldn’t have to go looking for him.

“Is food ready?” Percival rumbled, a sleepy Gwaine clinging to his back. 

“Almost. How long has Arthur been out?”

Leon had his hands hovering over the fire. “A little bit now.”

Merlin swallowed. “Could someone find him?”

“I’ve got it.” Elyan volunteered. “Leave food for me, please.”

The men settled around the fire, warming up from the chilly weather. Elyan and Arthur had yet to return.

“I’m starting to worry.” Merlin confessed. Neither of the men made a move to comfort him. They were all equally worried. “I’m going out. You two should stay here in case anyone comes in.”

Nobody objected. Gwaine knew Merlin was more than capable, and Leon and Percival had their rightful suspicions. 

With trembling hands, the young warlock entered the forest. It was deathly quiet and pitch black, a stark contrast when comparing the clearing their camp is in.

“Arthur?” He began to call. “Elyan?”

Leaves crunched under his feet. The branches rustled briefly. Merlin was ready to book it back to the camp. 

“Arthur? Don’t be shy now!”

The boy took a tentative step forward and stumbled on a tree root. Unfortunately, his footing was lost and he crumpled down on the ground in a sad heap.

He fell on some rocks in the forest. And he was rendered  _ useless  _ until he could get back up, but he  _ hurt  _ and it was dark. Merlin didn’t want to let the fear get to him, but he couldn’t help it. It was reaching him in thick and dangerous tendrils, seeping into his mind and his  _ useless  _ limbs. 

“Fuck.” His voice was breathy and unsteady. His fingertips were numb with fear. The manservant desperately tried to pull himself up from the fall, but his hands were uncoordinated and fumbled on the ground beneath him. How desperate he must have looked; he felt desperate.

The warlock tried to call out again, but his vocal cords froze and his eyes shut. The terror was paralyzing. He was better than this, he thought. He could man his way through the forest. He was fine, it was just dark and…

Leaves rustled behind him. His heart pounded so hard he felt like he could throw up. He knew no one was there, but the noise was loud enough to beat in his ears until he went insane. Slowly, he picked himself up from the ground and took hold of the tree whose roots he stumbled over. He cast a quick spell to illuminate the area.

“Merlin?” Arthur’s voice was clear against the quiet woods, shocked.

The boy’s voice caught in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be fun to write for me, it has a big turning point, but whether or not the turning point is a step forward or backward is def up to you lol
> 
> also i have a horrible fear of the dark, so i wrote it kinda like how i feel it


	18. Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia & Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor’s Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chappy is brought to you from inspiration of my wonderful tantrums. jesus christ it’s december and im not done, good lord. it’s also brought to you by me at 1:06AM bc i spent my night on twitter and now i can’t sleep and all i feel is regret. edited. dont get twitter if you dont have it lol

_ “Merlin?” Arthur’s voice was clear against the quiet woods, shocked. _

_ The boy’s voice caught in his throat. _

“Oh, uh, Arthur!” Merlin quickly extinguished the light source, shuddering as everything went dark.

The older man’s voice is hollow.

“You were using magic, weren’t you?”

Merlin wrapped his arms around his body protectively.    
  
“It’s dark and I was looking for you.”   
  
“Ah, so was Elyan. I sent him back, but you must have missed him. Does everyone think I’m incapable of taking a walk on my own?”

The raven swallowed. “You were gone long. I was worried.” His cheeks were pink, not that Arthur could see in the dark. 

“Well, now that you see there is no reason to worry…” The man trailed off. Merlin immediately bristled, looking for the cause of Arthur’s silence. 

Carefully, the king spoke. “Why were you worried?”

Merlin licked his lips and loosened his grip on this body. “You were gone long. I told you. Stop overanalyzing and let’s go.”

“You weren’t scared of the dark before.”

“How do you know what I was scared of?” The warlock’s voice has more edge to it then he meant, but he doesn’t fit it. He only escalates. “Did you start paying attention before or after I got sick? Or was it when, forgive me, I thought you were going to kill me.”

“Calm down-”

“Don’t tell me what to do! Why can’t I be worried about you? Yeah, the forest has not been nice to be in the dark, but why can’t you accept that I don’t have ulterior motives?” Merlin was shouting now. “You  _ know  _ me, probably better than anyone else in my life! I haven’t changed!”

The shadows on Arthur’s face twist violently. “I know you? Really? You know how magic’s  _ ruined my life!  _ You know all about the horrible things we  _ together  _ have faced, and you decided that I’d be overjoyed to hear that you, behind my back, have been practicing something that has been continuously destroying everything I know and cherish, then become surprised when I’m  _ fucking heartbroken.” _

“I thought you could open your mind a bit.”  _ Fuck. Merlin’s started to sniffle.  _ The king’s chest clenches. “I trusted you.”   
  
“I trusted you, too.”

Neither of them are shouting any more. Everything has deflated from raw, unfiltered hurt to a softer sorrow. 

“We need to get back to camp. The men might be worried.”

Merlin didn’t say anything, but he agreed. The last thing he needed was to bother anyone else.

.

Arthur’s fists were clenched by his side as he watched the men plus Merlin chatter around the fire, telling stories and pissing off one another. The manservant was so easily able to forget himself, but the king wasn’t. He couldn’t relax or focus on anything else than Merlin’s magic. How could he? He felt deceived and morally conflicted. He’d had to reevaluate what his father had taught him before, but magic being evil always made sense. He’d never seen any different… until now.

“-so Gwen’s started putting flowers in my hair when she has some. I just forget they’re there!” Gwaine was defending himself from Leon and Elyan, who are laughing about all of the ‘feminine’ things they’ve found the knight partaking in. Merlin is sniggering and muttering soft “there there”s to his sulky friend.

“My, Leon, hasn’t Gwen had you wear a dress before?” Percy points out.

Leon’s eyes bulge and Gwaine points an accusatory finger.

“Hypocrite!” 

“I’m sure it looked nice.” Merlin adds, much to Leon’s dismay. The redhead’s face is flushed with embarrassment.

Elyan gathers the empty bowls from the men, tsking. “Gwen gives Merlin flowers and jewelry all the time, but no one’s picked on him.”

“That’s because I look absolutely stunning in them.” Arthur’s manservant replies without hesitation. The men burst out laughing again. Merlin’s got a little heat on his cheeks, briefly turning to meet Arthur’s eyes. There’s a look in the younger’s that make the king’s heart twist. The way they used to flirt… Arthur’s said that before about Merlin. Of course, that was before the magic debacle. The blond felt frustrated again.

Decisions were easier when there was someone alongside him, telling him the pros and cons. Who was he kidding, he missed Merlin greatly, but his moral dilemma was strong and unavoidable. He tried to look past what Merlin had done, but it wasn’t the same.

“I’ve never been drunk!” Merlin’s hands fly up defensively. Gwaine covers his mouth to snort in disbelief. Leon looks shocked at Gwaine’s behavior.

“Merlin!” Elyan cries, rushing over to the boy. “Oh, Gwaine’s tainted you, my sweet summer child.”

The brunet knight squawks as Percival bumps his shoulder in amusement. Merlin’s saying something, but it’s muffled by the knight who was cooing over him. For a brief moment, Arthur’s lips tug up, before turning bittersweet. This time, there’s a lump in the king’s throat.

.

Merlin wanted to say more; to shout and cry and throw his arms up and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to plead his case and tell Arthur to  _ get his head out of his arse!  _ The boy wanted things to be simple and quick. He was tired of waiting for Arthur. Most of all, he was worried that all of the grief and pain he’d gone through would never be worth it, because if the king didn’t legalize magic, Merlin had wasted the efforts of so many men and women. The lives and the tears would be in vain. 

The warlock  _ needed  _ that validation. He craved to be held and told what he did was the right thing, because there was no book that held the path he was meant to take. He had no reliable source to guide him, and his friends, as wonderful as they were, would never understand what he’d gone through. Gwaine was the closest, but even in his most genuine attempts weren’t enough. Merlin felt he could never truly say the crimes he’s committed, nor the lives he’s consciously taken until he was safe. It was one of the lengths he was forced into taking to fulfill his destiny.  _ Fuck. Destiny.  _

The whole ‘it will all work out’ method almost always led to near-suicide and it was more than draining. It was soul crushing. 

“Merlin,” Gwen’s soft voice brought Merlin back to the alcove behind the castle where servants did the castle’s laundry. “Why are you crying?”

Merlin’s head shot up, his hands patting at his dry cheeks.

“Your eyes are watering.” The servant amended. The warlock felt his ears grow red.

“Oh, I, uh…”

The woman shook her head. “You don’t need to tell me, I shouldn’t have pressed. Are you alright? Is there something I can do?”

Merlin clutched the half-dried tunic. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

Gwen smiled, tilting her head just so, then continued pulling dried clothes from the line. The taller tried to continue his work, but his fingertips were cold and his hands uncoordinated. He yearned for some time alone, but he didn’t mind Gwen. She worked at a steady pace, keeping rhythm and occasionally chattering with Merlin.

“Well, I believe that’s all. Thanks for the help.”

The manservant blinked. “Oh, yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Gwen waved and entered the castle. Merlin sat down against the wall. He wasn’t quite ready to go in yet. He was too wishy-washy, too conflicted. He’d cried so many times that day, but he still didn’t feel any better. The raven put his head to his knees and sniffled. Nobody came out to the alcove for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo? i combined prompts to speed this book up. hope this was just as confusing as it was for me to write it.
> 
> editor's note: i wrote that intro during the jawsh controversies on twitter, little did i know it would get worse.


	19. Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval & Chronic Pain | Hypothermia | Infection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, im getting a little burnt out so more merging prompts. cry about it lol
> 
> hope it's enjoyable! it has p r o g r e s s .
> 
> also ignore my medical hoohaa

“Hold still…” Merlin muttered, Leon’s arm gently held in his grasp. Leon had experienced quite the nasty fall off his horse during a minor raid, but the trip back home was long and the knights didn’t have the necessary supplies to treat such a wound. It had become infected quickly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to stab you.”

“S’alright.” The knight hissed through clenched teeth. 

The assistant physician had to close his eyes and take a deep breath before diving back into the wound and pulling out all debris previously missed. It was hard to keep the tremors from his hands. The last thing he wanted was to cause Leon more pain than he already was. 

“I thought you might be comforted to hear that Gwen made me try on a dress she sewed while you lot were gone. She’s got a hidden talent, I’ll tell you.” The boy quietly babbled as he picked out small slivers of wood chips. “It was blue, and I had the misfortune of finding out our measurements were rather similar, other than height.”

Merlin dipped the instrument in the boiling water beside him, then wiped the water off on a cloth only to go back in. “You would have gotten a kick out of it. Other than that, I worked. Cleaned up Lancelot’s room nicely. It should be easy to keep my things tidy, with cleaning being my job and all.”

The red head grunted. “You d-do more than cleaning.”

The younger’s face softened. “Thank you.”

A pause.

“I know it was you that told Arthur to have my room rebuilt. And I’m not mad, that was a very brave thing of you to do. I also know that you’ve noticed me and Arthur lately.”

Sir Leon hummed, eyes closed and face angled away from Merlin.

“I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t seen the receipts on his desk. The only way I’d figured out it was you was because you hung back after training to speak to him about it. I overheard a little bit. Perks of being the King’s manservant.”

The older man chuckled, then weezed as Merlin accidentally pinched the flesh. “It doesn’t replace what you’ve lost, but I hope it helps. Living in your late best friend’s room can’t be healthy.”

“You sound experienced.”

“I  _ am  _ experienced.”

  
“Old man…” Merlin mumbled. “Right, it’s cleaned out and drained, now I just have to stitch it up.”

Leon stared at Merlin as he made no move to grab any more equipment. He just sat on the stool next to the knight, face unreadable.

“Merlin?”

“I-I’m going to grab Gaius, I don’t remember how to do it.”

And with that, the boy was gone.

.

Gaius was the one who treated Merlin after the ‘needles’ incident, pre-fire. Gaius carefully pried every metallic sliver from his ward’s flesh. He was the one who held Merlin as he cried, so when Merlin awkwardly asked the older man to suture Leon, he didn’t ask any questions. 

Leon looked at Gaius strangely as he entered the room, but didn’t say anything about it.

“I hear the room will begin building progress soon.”

The physician hummed, rubbing a numbing agent on the flesh of his patient. The knight wrinkled his nose slightly at the smell, but the older man had gotten used to it over the years.

Once finished, the man washed off Leon’s arm and wrapped it up for protective measures.

“I’d better now see you back in this room, you hear?” Gaius scolded lightly. Sir Leon smiled politely and said, “No, sir.” before leaving.

The older man cleaned up once the room was emptied, only to see Merlin reenter, looking sheepish and awkward.

“Thanks.” The boy pulled the slightly bloody cover off the cot to have it cleaned. Gaius waved one of the metal instruments, flippantly.

“There is no shame to be had. In fact, I’m rather glad you came to me.”

Merlin folded the cover. “Heh, yeah. That wouldn’t have gone down well.”

Gaius’ eyebrows drew together, but didn’t say anything.

“Anyways, I’ve got to go help Arthur. He’s probably sore and grumpy after his training with the knights was rescheduled.”

“Oh?” The older man pressed.

“Yeah, he had a meeting that he forgot about. It was the one thing he forgot to write down. Did you know he writes down what he wants for breakfast the night before? And he doesn’t write down the important things, apparently!” 

Gaius found comfort in the familiarity of Merlin complaining about Arthur as if the king were a prince again and Merlin and Arthur’s relationship had never been damaged.

“It makes me wonder if it was so important, why didn’t he tell me about it? Ah, well, now that I think about it… but that’s alright, things are doing better.”   
  
“Have you two talked about it any since the trip?”

The warlock pursed his lips. “No, I think he’s back to take the ‘it doesn’t exist’ approach, but I think we’re getting back to normal. It’s slow, and I’m not really happy, but I’ll give it time. I’m used to waiting.”

  
The physician resisted the urge to hold his boy, who really wasn’t a boy anymore. Merlin was grown and experienced, Gaius had to remind himself. 

“I actually had to get going, though. I’ll see you later, Gaius. Keep me posted on the room status.”

“Goodbye, Merlin.”

.

Arthur was shockingly peppy when Merlin returned to the king’s chambers. The raven was hesitant to note it aloud.

“Good evening, Merlin.”

“Good evening.” The boy repeated, confused. “Did something happen while you were out? Get kissed by a pretty girl?”

Arthur laughed and shook his head. “No, no. It just feels… like things make sense. The meeting went well, that’s all.”   
  
“That is a huge relief. I thought I was going to be consoling you all night.”

The king resisted the urge to throw something at his friend. 

“You don’t- I! I can’t believe you, Merlin. I’m happy and all you do is rip it away.” He sniffed. Merlin laughed. Arthur didn’t bother holding back as he chucked a pillow at his friend.

“Fine. I’m glad you had a swell day. I can confidently tell you that Leon did not.”

The blond straightened up. “Is he back to his room? He’s better now, right?”

The young warlock shook his head. “He’s in his own bed, but the stitches were just done today.”

“Give him my condolences.”   
  
Merlin snorted. “Give them to him yourself.”

The king’s head reeled back. “Uh, fine! Follow me.”

“Wha-”

Arthur led Merlin to the kitchen first, grabbing a leftover tart as if he owned the place, (of which he did) and rolled in in a cloth to deliver by hand to his most trusted knight.

Merlin noticed a particular ring on Arthur’s hand. The ring was one the raven had gifted Arthur years ago, then when Arthur threw it one the ground, hid it away. Clearly, the blond had found it.

When the pair showed up in front of Sir Leon’s door, the poor older man looked absolutely bewildered.

“Uhm, your highness?”

Arthur stood straighter, a charming smile on. “I’ve come to wish you a speedy recovery. This is for you.”

Merlin’s hands over his mouth was the only thing keeping himself from bursting out in laughter. The knight awkwardly took the patisserie as he and the king chattered. Once Leon had gone and the two men moved away from the hall, Arthur spoke up again.

“I did tell him myself, happy?”

The raven put a hand on his king’s shoulder. “Very.”

“It’s when you do things like that when I realize how tall you are.”

Merlin stuck his tongue out. “Cry about it.”

Arthur walked forward, unfortunately stepping just right so that his knee would flare up.

“Ah, fu-” He gripped Merlin’s shoulder, who quickly held the king upright.

“Alright, let’s get to your chambers.” The warlock effectively pulled Arthur’s arm around his shoulders and led him back to the king’s room.

.

“I thought you said your knee was better.” Merlin’s voice was low and quiet from across the room. Arthur could barely hear it from the bathtub.

“I- it was. I mean, I  _ thought  _ it was.”

Merlin didn’t turn towards the king. “You could have told me. We can try to fix it.”

“With what? A little something to dull the pain and a pat on the back?” The king didn’t mean to raise his voice. He just… did.

“Why can’t we just communicate? You always do this! Gaius and I could look into it more. There’s no harm in trying.” The younger’s voice rose. Arthur bristled.

“Oh, so you want me to trust you? Wait, let me get this straight.”

“Don’t even.” Merlin interrupted, growling, “I thought we moved past this, or were at least trying. I’m trusting you, see? You see how vulnerable I’ve been? For you to lie about your fucking knee to me?”

“Merlin, I’m a king, I can’t have people knowing about my  _ weakness. _ ” 

The raven sighed. “That doesn’t make you weak, you blockhead. Clotpole. Some nonsense.” His voice was back to low and quiet, obviously too tired to have another screaming match. “I can bring you something for the pain if you’d like in the morning. I should get going now, you can dress yourself, right?”

“No, wait, Merlin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted or brought that up. You can leave if you’d like, I’ll be fine.”

The manservant raked his fingers through his hair. “I’ll see you in the morning. It.. It’s alright, we’re trying.”

“We are. Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so? eeeehhh? likey? it only took me 8 daaaaaays
> 
> lmao, sorry for the wait. i want to get this story done so i can work on fun little oneshots on my own


	20. Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is how this main storyline ends, but the book isnt over :D
> 
> this chapter was very hard for me to write, because, well, i dont really do happy without some sad. i dont feel like ive built this story up enough, so after this, stay tuned for some final bonus chapters as i edit this entire work to my satisfaction.
> 
> note: the rest of the chapters have been edited

“What do you want for your birthday, Merlin?” Arthur asked, seated at his desk as Merlin read, sprawled across the king’s bed.

“Where did you find out it was my birthday soon?” The boy was smirking, cheeks lightly dusted pink. The king waved his hand, all smug like. He had his ways.

Merlin closed his book and propped his head up. “Hmm, I’d like… a day off.”

“And?” Arthur asked, expectantly.

“Well, if I’m honest, I miss going out into the woods with you and the knights. Not the hunting or patrolling. Just… the foraging, sitting around the fire… But I know you’re busy. I think I just feel a little cooped up. A day off would be all.”

The blond’s eyebrows drew together. “No, we can do that. I think that’s a wonderful idea. Uhm, I was under the impression you weren’t a fan of those trips.”

Arthur didn’t miss the way his friend’s eyes lit up at the acceptance.

“Maybe not at first, but they’ve grown on me, like a certain someone.” His cheeky smile was not missed. 

Merlin’s eyes darted to the ring Arthur was wearing. He’d been wearing it often lately.

“How about we leave next week? That gives me plenty of time to make up for missed work and for the knights to clear their schedules.” Arthur proposed.

“Perfect.” The younger was practically leaping out of Arthur’s bed. “Oh, Arthur, this is perfect.”

The king’s hand froze over the ink pot. “Yeah.” He spoke, trying not to sound too deflated. “Now go get my laundry ready ahead of time.”

Merlin saluted and sprang out, not noticing the rapid shift in behavior.

The blond couldn’t help but let the guilt sink in once his best friend was out of the room. His birthday flashed through his mind; the reaction to Merlin’s magic after just a beautiful gift being presented made tears burn in Arthur’s eyes and the recollection. 

The man knew even with his progress with magic being brought back wouldn’t rectify their relationship fully, if it even could. However, as one of the maids from his childhood often told him, it was change as a person that made a difference. His father moved her elsewhere after her only working near Arthur for weeks, and the rest of what she said still baffled him, but maybe she was onto something.

.

“Gwaine, you saucy bastard!” Merlin hissed as the knight ran away with his friend’s book. “I was reading that!”

Gwaine jumped away as the raven lunged at him. “You packed a book, friend, to your own birthday trip. I’m saving you from yourself.”

“You’re just mad you can’t read well.”

The brunet squawked, surprisingly laughing. “That, and I’m a whore for attention.  _ Your  _ attention.”

Merlin snorted. “You need to get laid, friend.”

“Merlin!” Elyan entered the stables, sounding scandalized.

“I’m not wrong!” He defended. The other knight shook his head. 

“Have you all packed?” Sir Elyan asked. Gwaine gave an enthusiastic nod and Merlin gave a thumbs up. “Great, so have I. Now we wait on Percy, Leon, and King Arthur.”

The men only had to wait a moment for Leon to rush in, worried that he was late, and just a little longer for Perce, but Arthur still hadn’t shown up.

“I’ll get him.” The young warlock grit out, slightly annoyed at the tardiness of his best friend/silly crush.

“Arthur?” Merlin slipped through Arthur’s door without knocking, to find his king knelt on the floor in front of the fireplace, covered in soot. He sounded distressed. The raven beelined to Arthur.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

The blond turned to his closest friend, guilt written all over his face.

“Oh, Merlin, I’ve… I’m so sorry.” His voice was hoarse and posture rigid. 

It didn’t take much to realize what the older was referring to;  _ Arthur’s birthday.  _ The day he found out about Merlin’s magic, or rather, was told. And the gifts, which the king had thrown into the fire out of fury, the magical element burning up in the flames, along with their trust for each other.

Merlin had long since made peace with it. He hadn’t forgiven Arthur, but he understood and could only empathize with the man. There was already so much sadness and destruction heavy on Merlin’s conscience, and he couldn’t bear any more. 

“I’m not mad.” He said truthfully. “We can talk more about it later, but can we please just leave?”

“I…”

“Arthur, I’m really not upset.”

Arthur blinked, surprised but obliging. “Alright.”

After Merlin had gently helped his king clean up, they gathered all back at the stables. The men were ready to leave, items packed and loaded on the horses and their own packs.

“ _ Who needs a woman when you have your wealth _ ..” Gwaine and Elyan sang as Percy bobbed his head along. Leon looked exhausted, but Merlin couldn’t help but to join along in the chorus. The warlock caught Arthur smiling every now and then at what his men were doing. 

“Alright men, let’s stop here. It’s close to running water and wood.” The king pulled his horse to a stop, head high. The others followed suit. 

Gwaine hopped off his stead, stretching and yawning dramatically. “Who’s making supper? I’m already rather hungry.”

“Not me.” Merlin snorted, already pulling out his water skin and book to lay in the grass and relax with. 

Elyan sighed. “Perce and I can, seen as we are the only two left who have ever made our own meals.”

Percy nodded, smirking.

“I-I can help!” Leon protested, sounding affronted. “I  _ have  _ cooked before. Might I remind you who is the most seasoned of all of you?”

“That’s fancy talk for old.” Gwaine pointed out as he unrolled his bedroll. The look on Sir Leon’s face had Arthur snickering.

Merlin opened his book, a comedy around a young woman and her many animals. It was a silly thing, but the boy felt that he’d be sick if he opened another book about magic or relating to it, so he was trying something new. 

It took the sun setting for the raven to notice how long he spent laying in the grass, warm summer air starting to cool down. He started to straighten up, only to feel Arthur’s legs next to him, his body leaned against a tree. The king had fallen asleep, propped against the nature, right next to Merlin. The warlock couldn’t help but to cover his mouth so he wouldn’t wake the king up with his laughter. 

“Could we offer you some food?” Percival walked by, a wooden bowl and spoon being offered.

“Thank you.” He took the stew. “It smells amazing.”

A gentle smile spread across the tall knight’s face. “I’m glad. With Leon as our help, it was much trial and error.” 

Merlin’s eyes wandered to Elyan and Leon, who were playing a card game. One hand of cards lay on the ground. He assumed that was Percival’s.

“How long has he been asleep?” The manservant jerked his thumb at Arthur, still peacefully asleep.

“Half of an hour, I do think.” He laughed.

Merlin closed his book and set it on the grass, to scoot back next to Arthur. The man stirred slightly.

“Happy birthday.” He whispered. Merlin rubbed a little soot off of Arthur’s neck.

“I’ve had a wonderful time. It looks like you’ve gotten to catch up on sleep, too.”

The blond smiled sheepishly, snaking his arm around Merlin. 

“I know this was my gift to you, but I’ve done something else for you, too.”   
  
“You’ve outdone yourself, then. I hope this isn’t out of guilt.”

The king shook his head. “No, you deserve more than my guilt-fueled actions. I’ve done something that should have already been done, but I think you’ll be glad to hear it.”

“Oh?” The warlock raised his eyebrows.

Arthur took a deep breath.

“I’ve been working towards legalizing magic. There are a few more steps that need to be taken in the process, but it’s almost ready to be presented to the public and-”

Merlin leaned forward and kissed Arthur, much to his surprise. When the two broke apart, the blond could see his servant’s eyes shining with tears.

“This is the best thing I could have ever wanted.” He said, voice cracking and breathy. Relief flooded the king.

“That’s.. I’m so glad. I feel, well, a lot, but no regret for doing this, whatsoever.”

The servant shifted. “You making this almost official means I have a lot of explaining to do to you. And the knights…”

Arthur couldn’t help it as his interest was piqued.

“Do tell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end! for now… go ahead and throw out some prompts for me to finish this story off, and ill do my best to fulfill them.
> 
> here's a little recommendation: reread this story. it sounds absurd, but ive edited it and added new scenes, so i hope some of you try it out! :>


	21. Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt guilty for ending it without fluff, so here are snippets here and there of Merlin and Arthur + Knights

Merlin really dragged his feet on telling his friends of his magic, which had been legal for two months now.

He  _ knew  _ in his heart that they would be fine with it, but explaining everything that had happened in his life from magic to Gwaine and Arthur had been taxing enough. Trying to tell everyone else? Merlin could hardly stomach the thought.

“I want to make you the Court Sorcerer.” Arthur proposed as Merlin ate breakfast alongside his… lover?

The raven snorted. “A what?”

The king spluttered. “Well, I was reading,” He disregarded Merlin’s faux-worried look. “And they used to be a thing. Just, royalty but with magic.”

“And what would I do?” Merlin refilled his glass. “Wave my hand and make everything pretty?”

The blond sighed. “No, Merlin. You’d have a say in every magical affair in the kingdom.”

Merlin politely wiped his hands on the napkin and stole a bread roll off of Arthur’s plate. “Hm, I’ll think about it.”

He didn’t sound like he’d think about it. Honestly, Merlin enjoyed his quiet-ish life.

“I- you give that back!”

.

“There’s nothing more relaxing than a nice ride through the forest.” Arthur teased Merlin, as they and the knights were riding out to visit surrounding villages. It had been a struggle to get Merlin to come along, hence the teasing.

“Very relaxing.” Leon’s horse nudged Merlin’s.

Merlin let out a tired groan. “Sleep, I crave it.”

The men laughed as the younger boy threw his head back.   
  
“You know,” He muttered, “I could steer this horse with magic and get some shut eye.”

The men were quiet, watching, but Merlin was past the point of caring. Her clung to the horse, securing his hands and let the magic take over.

“What a show-off.” Elyan’s voice was quiet and somewhat strangled in surprise.

“Merlin, for the gods’ sake, take the damned reins.” Arthur sounded exasperated.

It took the young man a moment, but as soon as what he had done click, he sat straight up, gripping the reins, wide eyed.

“Oh, oh, I, ah-” He stammered. Gwaine was laughing to himself, unable to take the situation seriously. Arthur tried to be nonchalant as to provide a good example for his knights, whom remaining were shocked.

“I will be honest, I had my suspicions.” Leon admitted. Percival nodded in agreement.

“Of course  _ you  _ would.” Gwaine complained.

Leon looked bewildered. “Was that supposed to be an insult?”

As the men banter on, Arthur leans over to his lover and whispers. “Hang in there, we’re almost there. Then you can sleep.”

Merlin felt so tired he could cry, and the king acting soft was not helping. Something splashed onto his hand as he sniffed. The blond halted the knights and had Merlin share a horse with him. Arthur made sure that the knights couldn’t see Merlin’s mortified face as they merged, and Percival led the horse beside him as they rode.

It didn’t take long for Merlin to fall asleep, but Arthur had to keep gently shaking him away so he wouldn’t fall.

.

Merlin stood in shock at the front of his freshly constructed bedroom. The knights and Gwen, plus various other friends, bore gifts of every kind to welcome their friend to his new room.

“I forgot about this…” He sheepishly rubbed his arm. “Thank you.”

Gwaine side-hugged his friend and shoved a bottle of spiced wine into the taller’s arms.

“The finest, for my friend. And 100% stolen from the castle.”

Arthur groaned from the other side of Merlin. How other guards refused to stop the unruly knight was beyond the king.

Percy gifted Merlin a bright tapestry that sparkled from the light pooling in from the windows. Elyan gave a fine carved sculpture of a unicorn, as the knight had taken up wood carving. Leon had a weathered book, but upon opening it was a log of magical creatures that were safe to be around humans. Merlin gasped when he opened in, launching the red head into a hug.

Before they entered the room, Gwen wrapped a wooly scarf around Merlin’s neck and patted his arm. Then, they stepped inside.

The warlock’s eyes widened. A large wooden bed sat in the middle, with a thick colorful quilt and several pillows. A dress with a bench and long mirror filled the rest of the small-ish room.

“Arthur!” He tugged the king’s arm lightly. “That bed can fit both of us!”

.

“Pass the bread, would you, Merlin?” Elyan called from down the table. The raven waved his hand lazily and let the food float on it’s own. The knight caught it mid air, eyes twinkling.

“Oh, me too!” Gwaine cried from next to Perce. 

Merlin reached for a roll and chucked it at the brunet’s head.

“Merlin!” Arthur admonished from the head of the table.

“He asked for it.” He replied, innocently. 

Leon and Elyan were chuckling at Gwaine, who was whining to Percival. The gentle giant gave Gwaine a kiss on the forehead and continued to eat.

.

Merlin shuffled away from Gaius and Arthur, hoping to go unnoticed as the physician stitched up the king.

“Good evening to you, Merlin.” Arthur was grinning through the pain of having the needle piercing his alway painful wound.

“To you as well, My Liege.” He teased, stuffing his shaky hands into his pockets.

The blond patted the cot with his good arm. “Come have a seat.”

Merlin’s eyes flitted between Arthur and the needle, settling on spending time with his fiancé.

Upon sitting down, the king grasped his manservant’s hand tightly and closed his eyes, sighing. Merlin grinned, feeling less tense around the silver pins.

Later than night, Merlin told his lover about what had happened in the woods, and Arthur squeezed him with his good arm.

.

True to the nature of Gwaine, he and Percival eloped the next summer. They came back, cheerier than ever. Gwaine wore a glittering flower crown and Percival hardly let go of his husband’s hand. Merlin pointed to them and told Arthur that’s what he wanted.

Gwen had a lovely lover by the name of Keaton who scrambled to bow upon meeting Gwen’s friends.

The king rumbled in laughter and to the man that he was alright to act naturally and was glad that Gwen had found someone. Keaton blushed bright red and stammered out a thanks.

  
Together Keaton and Gwen opened a bakery, of which Merlin and Gwaine frequented. Elyan was often found there in his off time, too.

Leon claimed he was happy the way he was when confronted. That was, until a tall and rather intimidating barkeep lady showed up, and suddenly, Leon couldn’t be happier.

Even with their loved ones, the men never ceased to find ways to get together and work together. Even once Merlin and Arthur married and adopted, their get-togethers were only slowed, but never stopped.

“I love you.” Merlin whispered, laying on his back in the king’s bed.

“I love you, too.” Arthur replied, holding his husband’s hand tightly, never planning on letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, heatwaves crashed the site. again. i would literally give up my toenails to get the kind of following that book gets. HOWEVER, i love you guys soo much. 
> 
> here it it. the end. ive absolutely ADORED writing this, and i hope you enjoyed reading it. plleeeasseee leave a comment telling me your thoughts, criticism, complaints, all that jazz. with that, have a great day!


End file.
